Football Ramble

Luke makes his return to the My Biddy Aunt arena for the first time in 2026, but can the Marcus Mount cause a new year upset? On FA Cup weekend, anything can happen.

Jim's back on the buttons after he was defeated by the newly named David Cartalonia Cartlidge.

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The FA Cup third round is typically Luke Moore’s favourite weekend of the year. It’s just a shame for him that Portsmouth have to play Arsenal, really.

Before looking forward to that, Marcus, Luke and Jim have the small matter of Arsenal 0-0 Liverpool to dissect. Elsewhere, Man City confirm their position as defenders of modern football and José Mourinho’s punishments reach new heights.

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Calling all Gooners! 'The Thing About Arsenal' is the brand new Arsenal podcast that does things differently, featuring our very own Jim Campbell!

Think less hot takes and transfer rumours, more authentic conversation, healthy disagreement, unhealthy nostalgia, and lots and lots of entertainment from a group of Arsenal obsessives.

New shows are out every Monday, Tuesday and Friday, with new episodes also out immediately after full-time of every single Arsenal men's game.

The first episode drops today - Friday January 9th - so don't delay! Click here to subscribe right...

Donny is in charge on today’s Ramble and he’s plotting some new surgery to extend his collarbones. He might also add in a few extra ribs while he's at it.

Pete’s cosmetic procedures aside, Luke and David join him to explain why there is no saving Tottenham under Thomas Frank. Plus, Leeds and Newcastle played out a barn burner that Keggy would be proud of.

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Darren Fletcher, the new Manchester United interim manager, is the latest former player to suckle on the teat of Sir Alex Ferguson. There's nothing like tradition; they are Manchester United after all.

Today, Marcus, Pete and David honour that. Plus, Liam Rosenior solidifies his position as 'a proud BlueCo man' and things get so bad at West Ham that Marcus, sincerely, suggests bringing back Big Sam...

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The Ruben Amorim era is officially over at Manchester United – what's next? Marcus, Luke and Jim shake their heads at the league's most chaotic club and pay respect to football's greatest magnet-user.

Elsewhere, there's some serious and not-so-serious nominations for ex-players returning to their clubs as managers, and should Arsène Wenger get a stand at the Emirates? At least a little bar?

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We know what you’re thinking, 'the curse of the Ramble and all that', but it’s a new year and that means fresh beginnings. Ladies and gentlemen, RUBEN AMORIM HAS BEEN SACKED!

Listen to today’s Ramble to hear Marcus, Luke, Pete and Jim’s reaction to the news. Plus, Nancy and Nuno continue to struggle, Callum McFarlane excels and is the great escape on for Wolves?

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Everyone bangs about new beginnings when the new year rolls around *cough*Jake Humphrey*cough*, but at Ramble HQ, we actually mean it. David Cartlidge is here making his long-awaited My Biddy Aunt debut!

Today, Cartlidgenstein declares war on the Democratic Republic of Jimbabwe, with Pete manning the buttons. Will it be a debut win, or will Jim's natural bloody charm swing it?

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Enzo Maresca is set to embark on a new career as a novelist. Will his first book be a tragedy by any chance?

Today, Pete, who is still covered in Christmas Pâté, is joined by Jim and David to share their thoughts on Chelsea’s decision to part ways with Enzo Maresca. Plus, there is extremely devoted fans and political turmoil at AFCON. Would we wish for anything else?

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Happy new year Ramblers! Whether you're nursing a hangover like Pete or nursing a sugar crash like Marcus, we've got the tonic for you today with some of our favourite moments from Ramble Uncut over the past 12 months.

On today's episode, José Mourinho seeks vengeance against Henrikh Mkhitaryan, Clint Hill may or may not take pills, and Carlos Quieroz cannot shake his appetite for Sir Alex Ferguson's milk. Come join us down the Ramble Uncut rabbit hole!

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In case you weren't aware, Arsenal won quite convincingly against Aston Villa on Tuesday night. On Monday, Luke suggested they were running out of steam. But fortunately, Marcus would never be petty enough to remind him about that.

For the final time in 2025, Marcus and Luke put the Premier League under the Ramble microscope! It turns out there's still time for PUGMOL to get one more sternly-worded letter, while Ruben Amorim gets very very very honest. Plus, stunning revelations that Steve Bruce might be Marcus' bacon father.

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Look away now, West Ham fans - we’ve got to have a chat about how poor they’ve been this season, with the real threat of relegation looming over them. Rest assured that Marcus, Luke and Pete lay the lion’s share of the blame at the owners’ door after years of mismanagement.

Elsewhere in more positive corners of correspondence, we settle on this year’s best players - based solely on vibes - and round up some of our new year resolutions for football. Plus, fans pissing on the pitch and a listener stumbles into what...

Marcus, Luke and Pete slide gently into the Christmas perineum, with a barn-burning round of Barclays representing the nuts and Speller’s game of England player charades probably signifying the bum. 

Across that round of barn-burning we saw Villa’s burgeoning title charge as Arsenal continue to splutter, Ryan Cherki keep the vibes pumping at the Etihad and Ruben Amorim finally change his formation: truly, a Christmas miracle. 

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We're back with another sack full of clips highlighting the very best moments from the second half of 2025. We've got everything from the Lambton Worm to Manchester United's Grimsby woes, plus some tips Andrew Mountbatten Windsor can take from Trent Alexander-Arnold.

Plus of course, that fabled round of Jack's Encyclopaedia.

Thanks to Patreon members Allan Odu, Todd Fitzgerald, Sean, Deadfox(InTheBox), Matt and Jamhandz for their help!

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Fear not, the Ramble is here to fill the Premier League-shaped hole in your Boxing Day!

Across two parts, Marcus shares our very favourite moments of the year. From Ruben Amorim’s vengeance against the humble television, to Ian Rush’s vengeance against … well everyone, there's fun for all the family! Come join us.

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Merry Christmas Ramblers! As you enjoy a glass of eggnog on this fine day, remember, it's your Christmas too. So move away from the turkey, step back from the mulled wine, and enjoy a little gift-wrapped prezzy from your old pals at the good ship Ramble. After all, it's either that or having another uncomfortable conversation with dodgy uncle Steve who you only see once a year.

No Steve, Enoch Powell didn't have a point.

Not even on Jesus' own day does Marcus Speller rest up. He's up against the mighty Luke Nation...

Marcus, Luke and Jim bring you good Ramblings on Christmas Eve! They discuss Arsenal's confidence and bank account-boosting win against Crystal Palace last night and look ahead to the best of the Christmas action, including ONE Boxing Day fixture. We are outraged.

We also salute the Rangers fan who chose to watch Elf in the stadium instead of their own team, and an even bigger salute for the fan in Portugal who travelled 900 miles (on his own) to watch his club draw 0-0.

Plus, a listener provides a modicum of vindication for Pete...

It's probably fair to say at this point that Wolverhampton Wanderers are as dead as a dodo. Two points from 17 games and staring relegation right down the barrel. But will they end up being the worst Premier League side we have ever seen?

Marcus, David and Jim debate whether they can reach the lofty heights of Derby County's 11 Premier League points. Plus, should we embrace 'ultras' culture in England? In other news, the curse of Speller comes to light...

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Big Mama Premier League gifted us a barn-burning weekend right on the eve of Christmas. Gosh, we must have been good this year.

Today, Marcus, David and Jim revel in the enjoyable chaos of Newcastle 2-2 Chelsea and the less-enjoyable chaos of Tottenham 1-2 Liverpool. Plus, David goes to war against 'modern football'...

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Thanks to the assistance of multiple NGOs, Luke has agreed to temporarily withdraw his troops from the My Biddy Aunt battleground. That allows the Kingdom of Spelgium to safely take on the Principality of Donaco under the watchful eye of Jimbabwe's international police force.

Is it finally time for Pete to get a win on the board, or can Marcus continue to cement his place as the game's second best player?

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How can Everton use glue to beat Arsenal? What did Wayne Rooney send Duncan Ferguson in prison? Have FIFA really started deciding the result of games by committee?

Join Marcus, Jim and Pete for The Preview Show.

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Marcus and Pete had to be kept apart after Newcastle and Fulham did battle last night. Today, they were joined by Jim to unpack another night of sweet Carabao. 

Elsewhere, Wilfried Nancy is the next manager to behave like a Facebook mum on social media. Plus, Jim launches a campaign to create an award for the highest overhead kick ever.

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We’re into the business end of the Carabao! Although there wasn’t an upset last night, Marcus, Pete and Luke give Cardiff their dues for a spirited performance against the World Champions.

Elsewhere, barns are still burning - and Kobbie Mainoo still isn’t free - after Man United drew 4-4 with Bournemouth on Monday. Plus, Marcus develops his five-year plan to get Brother Brendy to manage Fulham.

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It's going to cost a lot of money to go to this summer's World Cup. So what will happen to the atmosphere at games? And just how many people on X are going to tell you that it's actually perfectly justifiable to charge hundreds of dollars for a seat in Row Z?

Marcus, Luke and David return to Friday's discussion about the true cost of the 2026 World Cup. Plus, is Unai Emery the best Premier League manager of the last five years apart from Pep? The lads also discuss which of the Prem's long-standing records looks...

What’s more bleak? Newcastle’s derby day performance or the thought of Pete Donaldson spending his Sunday afternoon in an indie club?

Today, Pete left Marcus, Luke and a very smug David Cartlidge a voicenote - from said indie club - with his unfiltered thoughts on proceedings. Plus, we take joy in the fallout between Jamie Carragher and Rio Ferdinand and start to wonder: are Arsenal having a wobble?

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After weeks of feverish anticipation, Jack's Encyclopaedia returns! And there are a couple of absolute s**t-offs in this one...

Pete of Donaco adjudicates a re-run of the Luke Nation vs the Kingdom of Speller. After a week of scrutiny, Mo Salah at last gets his own Jack's Encyclopaedia category, while Daryl Janmaat definitely doesn't. Poor Daryl.

Come join us for the ultimate showdown of the weekend!

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Pete’s got a new haircare routine! It’s got him in the mood to gorge on some festive Europa League action. Today, he's joined by Marcus and Luke for a delicious European buffet.

Elsewhere, we tuck into the upcoming Tyne and Wear derby. Plus, the FIFA posse have announced their World Cup ticket prices and Samuel Eto'o has found himself in the middle of a quite baffling situation in Cameroon.

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A big night in the Champions League, but an even bigger night for the Official Martin Keown Fan Club here at the Football Ramble. Seriously though, it's gone too far.

Pete, Jim and Luke pick over last night's action and crimes against commentary, plus Pete's incredibly well-received DJ sets in Topman. They then enter a surprisingly deep camel racing rabbit hole after Paul Pogba invests in a camel racing team. Are we fascinated? Yes. Do we think Graeme Souness' moustache should be transplanted onto one of the camels? Also yes.

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The Mo Salah drama rumbles on after Liverpool win in Milan with the Egyptian King™ stuck in the gym at home. But why is Marc Cucurella really to blame for all of this? Marcus, Jim and David discuss that on today’s Ramble.

Elsewhere, Pep Guardiola is unusually cheery as he stirs the already boiling pot at Real Madrid. Plus, Craig Bellamy doubles down on his feud with Jesse Marsch.

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We all know that feeling. Standing there in the pouring rain, watching your team get absolutely battered and thinking to yourself, "what a massive waste of money." But should that mean you're entitled to your money back?

Marcus, Luke and Jim are here to mull over that very question. Plus, is there too much emphasis on history in football, and in honour of Vish's trip down under, what's the furthest the lads have ever travelled only to end up incredibly disappointed?

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On the latest edition of the Liverpool soap opera: Leeds grab a late equaliser and Mo Salah gives an explosive interview.

Today, Marcus, Jim and Luke are on hand to unpick all of that. Plus, we offered a detailed assessment of Rio Ferdinand's World Cup draw hosting and ask the question on everyone’s lips: are Aston Villa on the verge?

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Marcus and Jim watched the full World Cup draw so that you didn't have to... and reacted to it all live on YouTube! Join us for our takes on England's group, Scotland's group, and what can only be described as a truly, utterly bizarre couple of hours. We have thoughts...

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The World Cup draw is just a few hours away, but we couldn't leave you without a bit of Biddy Biddy to settle the nerves ahead of a night of chaos.

In what is being billed across the world as an MBA relegation play-off, Jim and Pete go head-to-head to determine who really is the worst My Biddy Aunt player in the gang.

Marcus is on the buttons for this bout between the Democratic Republic of Jimbabwe and the tax-free paradise of Donaco.

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Stay away Krampus, Sir Jim Ratcliffe is allowing Man United to have a Christmas party! Until they lose 1-0 away to Wolves on Monday night anyway…

Today, Marcus, Jim and Pete are here to celebrate on behalf of all the remaining Man United staff. Plus, we wonder what animal Pep Guardiola would be and Pete aggressively gatekeeps any and all content about Japan.

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Delightful Daniel Farke steered Leeds to a big win last night. Today, Marcus, Jim and Pete ask if he can be the man to keep them in the Premier League.

Elsewhere, Unai Emery celebrates Ollie Watkins' return to form in unusual fashion. Plus, Dan Burn is gearing up for panto season and Pete reveals his inner Boglin.

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Who would have predicted that late-stage Guardiola would have traces of Kevin Keegan? Today, Marcus, Jim and Pete are on hand to enjoy the nine-goal thriller at The Cottage.

Elsewhere, Cristian Romero has his, erm... Scott McTominay moment. Plus, a goalkeeper in Norway takes s**thousery to a whole new level.

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Liverpool got three valuable points at West Ham without Mo Salah in the XI. Arne Slot made the big call, but what does it say about Salah's future in this hard-to-gel Liverpool side? And has he stayed a season too long?

Marcus, Luke and David discuss on today's Mailbag! There's also important matters to attend to, such as Luke's impassioned defence of the history of Portsmouth, a potential X Factor judging panel of referees at the side of the pitch, and an update on Birmingham City's 12-chimney stadium, delivered by Arthur Shelby himself.

...

Stamford Bridge has been reduced to ashes after Chelsea and Arsenal played out a good old-fashioned barn burner in the Premier League.

Marcus, Luke and David get the pleasure of re-living it on today's Ramble. Plus, Harry Wilson once again gets his magic wand out and the guys try to help Andy Carroll sell his house.

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For all the tax-avoiding, non-dom citizens of Donaco out there – this one's for you.

Marcus officiates completely even-handedly as Luke faces the most unpredictable, irrational force of all: Pete Donaldson on a Friday. Fire up the V8 and get those eggs on!

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Show some f***ing respect. Today, Marcus, Luke and Pete explain why they expected more from Swiss football fans after the lovely Donyell Malen was targeted with missiles last night. They are meant to be neutral after all…

Elsewhere, Sean Dyche is starting to build a successful fort at Nottingham Forest and we’ve got a thigh rubber between Chelsea and Arsenal this weekend. Plus, Donny’s forced to once again relive the trauma of his Holloway Road Christmas lights disaster.

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Marcus, Jim and Pete dust themselves down after a proper European goal fest, as Liverpool continue to suffer their worst run of form since the mid-1950s. Probably wasn’t ideal that Virgil van Dijk was trying to referee the game from centre-back and PSV’s Ivan Perišić kept slurping from the Fountain of Football Youth.

Elsewhere, Arsenal reach another level against Bayern, Spurs put in a better showing against PSG and Sheffield Wednesday are faced with the grimmest ownership choice imaginable: merge with Sheffield United… or Mike Ashley. Fold it. Fold the club.

Si...

Estêvão - or "Steve" as Marcus likes to call him - put in a coming-of-age performance against Barcelona.

Today, Spellz is joined by Jim and David to reflect on last night's key learning: no player can resist hitting Marc Cucurella when given the opportunity. Plus, Pete shares an update from Marseille, and Alan Parry is unhappy with Gary Neville’s goalgasm.

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At home against 10 men after two of the opposition players had a dust-up, you probably should be winning that one.

Manchester United are back in their chaos era and Pete, Jim and Luke are here for it. Today, the lads revel in that while not forgetting to give some credit to David Moyes for getting his first win away at Old Trafford. Plus, Pete informs us that he’s off to Marseille tonight to stay with a man called Fang…

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It was a bad weekend for Liverpool and Tottenham in the Premier League. Is it time that they call Uri Geller? He'll surely sort it out.

Today, Marcus, Luke and David Cartlidge get an update from the great man before turning to Arsenal's title credentials and Jacob Murphy having a lovely time at the weekend. Plus, Marcus reveals the latest player he would like to be considered for the England squad.

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After a barn burning round of Jack's Encyclopaedia last week, it's My Biddy Aunt's turn to step up and provide the goods.

Marcus has a chance to unify the belts, but he'll need to get past the ever-growing Luke Nation and his army of goons if he's to do so. Pete's ready to officiate with his many, many buttons.

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Where's all the international football gone? Today, Marcus, Luke and Pete are forced to preview the North London derby. How dare UEFA do this to us!

Elsewhere, Rob Edwards gears up for his first game as Wolves manager, Estêvão passes his driving test and Lazio have finally replaced Juan Bernabé.

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On this edition of Ramble Uncut, Marcus, Jim and Pete reminisce about their favourite detective dramas, their least favourite football movies and wonder where Napoleon’s penis has got to. Elsewhere, a Chilean businessman displays the old gates of Wembley and Madonna’s bra in a very esoteric collection.

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On this edition of Ramble Uncut, Marcus, Jim and Pete reminisce about their favourite detective dramas, their least favourite football movies and wonder where Napoleon’s penis has got to. Elsewhere, a Chilean businessman displays the old gates of Wembley and Madonna’s bra in a very esoteric collection.

Find us on Bluesky, X, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: show@footballramble.com.

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Three world-class goals and a heroic victory to reach the World Cup. It’s classic Scotland, right? Maybe not, but today Marcus, Jim and Pete are here to revel in one of the greatest games they’ve ever had the pleasure of watching. That’s what football do to ya, eh?!

Elsewhere, Wales’ seven goals against North Macedonia somehow aren't headline news and Curaçao make history. Plus, DR Congo earn a famous victory without breaking any rules at all!

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In just seven months time we'll all be sat down, pint in hand, flare up bum, watching England kick their first ball at the 2026 World Cup. But which of Tommy Tuchel's lions will be lucky enough to get a starting spot?

Marcus, Luke & Jim pick out the 11 players they'd like to see start the tournament, and which players might be best off the bench. Plus, which current England player would make the best future Three Lions boss?

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Stop moaning about the international break. We never want to hear it again.

Marcus, Luke and Jim are here to unpick a barn-burning weekend which saw late drama in Budapest thanks to Ireland, late-night drama on the BBC Sport website thanks to Scotland and Belarus, and England confirm their perfect qualifying campaign. Come drink it all in while it's still hot.

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Well, here we are ladies and gents. After Vish ripped the Jack's Encyclopaedia belt from big Lukey Moore's waist last week, can Marcus and Jim save the day and prevent it from heading to Australia until the end of the year?

Pete has the difficult job of remaining neutral while refereeing this bout. It's northern hemisphere vs southern hemisphere, football vs cricket, marmite vs vegemite. Come on, let's have it.

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Thomas Tuchel inspired England to sing both on and off the pitch last night. Today, Marcus, Vish, Jim and Pete share their thoughts on England’s 2-0 win over Serbia... and Tuchel telling us why he isn’t a fish.

Elsewhere, we’ve got an incredible story brewing in the Caribbean and we share in Ireland’s delight after they saw off Cristiano Ronaldo and co in Dublin. Just please don’t forget about Troy Parrott!

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England host Serbia tonight to kick off the international break. And it's a GUARANTEED barn-burner, isn't it?

With a royal vacancy now open, Luke and Vish join the call to crown Prince Marcus. Plus, we answer some of your burning questions about the Three Lions as we edge ever closer to bringing that beautiful trophy back to the Kingdom.

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It's time for another international break... Thank God, we were almost starting to enjoy the Premier League.

Don't worry though, we've still got plenty to talk about thanks to Cristiano Ronaldo, José Mourinho and a Ramble listener who is preparing to play against Emile Heskey.

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After his 1000th game in club management (still 86 behind Brucey, mind), Pep Guardiola has achieved pretty much everything it's possible to achieve in football, including winning the affections of Neil Warnock. But has his influence on English football as a whole been positive?

Marcus, Luke and Jim chew on that – plus, is Manuel Pellegrini right that football should introduce a basketball-style 'half-court' rule? How the hell did Kenny Dalglish win the league as a player-manager? And Marcus further confirms himself as a basic English b*****d. All on this week's Mailbag, join us!

VO...

What a weekend! Marcus, Jim and Luke are here to dissect the weekend's key learnings: don’t underestimate Man City and Jérémy Doku has gold pants.

Elsewhere, Tottenham and Man United start to repay us for that Europa League final. Plus, we get an update on Fizzer’s Timbers.

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Luke's reign of terror has fed the appetite of the Luke Nation's supporters for far too long. Can Marcus and Vish finally rip the belt from his midriff?

Jim's got the unenviable task of refereeing this bout. Bring it on.

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Four games in and Sean Dyche's Nottingham Forest are already struggling to score goals. We've been here before...

Today, Marcus, Luke, Jim and Vish get ready for another thigh-rubbing weekend of Premier League action. We also enjoy Martin O'Neill's latest press conference antics, while Cristiano Ronaldo and Piers Morgan's friendship continues to blossom.

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Tragically, this week's Champions League action has eclipsed the dangers of unpasteurised milk. Marcus, Luke and Pete are here to set that right.

Elsewhere, startling revelations about what Marcus got up to in his mischevious youth, while Pete gets extremely angry with Rio Ferdinand. And Al Capone. And Sean Connery.

Plus, Gianni Infantino creates a new 'FIFA peace prize' and we have literally no idea who will win it. Do you?

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Liverpool had the last laugh after the “rat” returned to Anfield last night. Marcus, Jim and Vish wonder why some Liverpool players save their best form for playing Real Madrid.

Elsewhere, Marcus labels Micky van de Ven's goal as the best he has seen in person. Plus, we're obliged to talk about a football journalist and a pie having an argument on the internet.

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It's only November and Arsenal are already six points clear of the trailing pack. Is it too early to say they're on the verge?

Marcus, Luke & Pete are here to discuss whether the Gunners can ride this wave all the way to the finish. Plus, we get an email from the victim of a photobomber and debate which Premier League manager we'd most want as our dad.

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Quick question, did anyone see Vítor Pereira in M&M World this weekend? Marcus, Luke and Pete are wondering how he spent his time between Saturday's defeat and his inevitable Sunday morning sacking.

Elsewhere, Luke can't quite believe how bad Tottenham were in their loss to Chelsea. Plus, the FA Cup first round proper is back in all its glory.

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We're back with another game of Jack's Encyclopaedia! Luke is putting the belt on the line once again, but can Marcus or Vish end his reign of terror?

Pete is the ghoul with the gasm as he plays referee. Will the Luke Nation's walls finally crumble this week?

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What happens if Man United actually win five games in a row? All we know is that bloke will get a haircut and we would never again let Vish back on the Ramble.

Today, Marcus, Luke, Pete and Vish discuss whether Man United will take one step closer this weekend. Plus, we learn Pep Guardiola's morning routine and how many times a day Daniel Farke likes to have a shower.

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Enzo Maresca said Chelsea need to “grow up” after they got another red card last night. I am afraid to say we don't agree Enzo...

Today, Pete, Luke and Jim are here to glug on an erotic evening of Carabao action. Plus, more cheese puns and a wonderful story about Dermot Desmond's magnificent moustache.

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What's good for Marcus Speller isn't necessarily what's good for the Ramble after Fulham spoiled everyone's fun by beating Wycombe on penalties last night.

Today, Spellz is joined by Luke and Jim to unpick that. We also learn that the situation at Celtic needs medical intervention after Brother Brendy walked away from Paradise. Plus, John Terry displays why he might not be getting a job in management anytime soon.

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That's the question on everyone's lips right now. After three wins on the bounce in the Premier League, is Sir Jim Ratcliffe already drawing up plans to use The United Strand's luscious locks to insulate Old Trafford? Marcus, Jim and Pete have their theories...

Lots more theories on today's Mailbag, from load-bearing dildos in the London Stadium, to the greatest British footballer of all time. Plus, Pete constructs his Frankenstein's monster footballer and it is – truly – an abomination that no one would want to mark.

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Hubble bubble, Donny’s causing trouble. Pete appears to have placed a curse on Virgil van Dijk. Today, he warns Jim that David Raya could be next.

Marcus, Vish, Jim and Pete are here to review a weekend which included: The longest away day in English league football history, a 50-year-old becoming the first person to score in all ten divisions of the English football pyramid and the glorious return of the Scottish Cup.

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We've got a heavyweight battle for you today in the MBA Arena as the absolute monarchy of the Luke Nation faces off against Clan Campbell.

The belt (or the crown in Luke's case) is back on the line, but will it change hands after today's bout? Marcus is the man in the middle attempting (and failing) to keep order.

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Does Sean Dyche like an emoji? Is it acceptable to lose to a side from Cyprus? Can you blame the wind for Emi Buendia's penalty? Are Hearts on the verge? And why is Wanda Icardi sliding into the DMs of Premier League footballers?

There is plenty for Marcus, Luke and Jim to consider on today’s Ramble.

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Pete takes a break from doing his taxes to sit in Marcus’ chair today. He, Luke and Jim were spoilt rotten by the Champions League last night. Let’s just not talk about Tottenham…

The lads pick over that before turning their attention to the main event... The return of Sean Dyche! But will the reincarnation of old school tactics help or hinder the great man?

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Did denying Atletico access to hot water help Arsenal win at the Emirates last night? While Marcus, Jim and Vish ponder that, they are certain that Arsenal will be delighted they don't have to travel to Madrid for a return fixture.

Elsewhere, Marcus is giddy after both Anthony Gordon and Marcus Rashford had a lovely night in Europe. Plus, is Rodri really from Peckham?

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Well, that didn't last long did it? Evangelos Marinakis took just 39 days to throw his new toy out of the bath as it looks like Ange Postecoglou has made way for... Sean Dyche. Oh God.

Pete tells Marcus and Luke why Nottingham Forest would be better off with Mr Blobby as their new gaffer. Plus, will Erling Haaland break the all-time Premier League goals record?

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Feed the Isak and he will score. It’s just a shame his favourite food supplier is still in Newcastle. Today, Marcus, Luke and Pete wonder whether Liverpool will make a January move for Jacob Murphy. Plus, Pete revels in the fact that his views on Virgil van Dijk are finally being vindicated.

Elsewhere, we wave goodbye to Ange Postecoglou after 39 days at Nottingham Forest and we try to decide who delivered the best cross in the Premier League this weekend.

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After a controversial last outing in the Jack's Encyclopaedia arena, Luke fronts up to the public outrage over his 'Bueno' answer and takes on Marcus in another fiery bout!

Pete rests and takes up the whistle after his mighty performance last week. Join us for a showdown between the Luke Nation and Marcus Municipality!

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The Premier League is back! Marcus, Luke and Pete are here to give it the respectful welcome the league deserves.

They try to figure out if Jack Wilshere and horses really do have backwards legs. English football hooliganism hits the pitches in Dubai. Plus, Pete announces his new ambition to become a football boot influencer - first up, the mighty BOTEMANS!

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The sad tale of Roy Hodgson’s England departure balanced by the joyous normality of Wayne Rooney dressing up as Freddie Mercury for his 40th. An episode of Ramble Uncut in perfect harmony.

Plus, we learn what sort of texts José Mourinho used to send Henrikh Mkhitaryan at Man United.

Today we're sharing the latest edition of Ramble Uncut – our weekly bonus episode normally only accessible to our Patreon members. It's an extra dollop of wonderful footballing nonsense. Enjoy.

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Eeeeeaaaasssayyyy! Tommy Tuchs and his merry men have qualified for the World Cup – and they're the first country in Europe to do it. Have some of that, you slugs.

Marcus is here to revel in that feat alongside Luke and Vish. Plus, a rat is spotted on the pitch at the Wales match, Gianni Infantino's pied off by Donald Trump, and Graham Potter plays the ABBA hits.

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England had a lovely old time against Wales on Thursday. And they weren't half bad against Serbia in the game before that either! The catch? Jude Bellingham, Cole Palmer and Phil Foden didn't play in either of those games.

Marcus, Jim & Vish are here to debate whether that's more than a coincidence. Plus, your thoughts on a straight-knockout World Cup, and is it time to abolish We Are the Champions?

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Before England head on their big stag do in Riga, there was the small matter of Scotland grinding out a glorious win over Belarus. So glorious that it left Steve Clarke incandescently angry.

Marcus, Pete, Vish and Jim bring you the most international break Ramble possible, featuring a further update about Katy Perry's dating life for Pete, some questionable Donald Trump impressions from Marcus, and what must surely be the first ever impression of former land mass Pangea.

Plus, back in Premier League land, Sean Dyche is getting linked to a club that's...

WE HAVE A NEW CHALLENGER! Pete Donaldson, you have been called to the quizzing colosseum. Your opponent today, The unDemocratic Republic of the Luke Nation.

Vish is the man with the whistle in what will go down as a bout for the ages.

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Thomas Tuchel wasn’t happy with the atmosphere at Wembley. What’s the England band ever done to you, Thomas? Paper aeroplanes aside, Pete, Luke and Vish are here to dissect a good night for England and a difficult one for Craig Bellamy’s Wales. We still like his energy though…

Elsewhere, after the definition of a Hot N Cold night, Scotland are somehow Dark Horses for the World Cup. Plus, we’ve got two more years of Ruben Amorim to enjoy!

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It's an all-British affair tonight as England take on Craig Bellamy's Wales at Wembley Stadium. Where's Marcus Speller when you need him?

Luke and Jim are here to celebrate the Kingdom uniting. Elsewhere, we get the highly offensive thoughts of a Scottish MSP on vegan managers, and an Italian goalkeeper comes out of retirement at the age of 82... and then goes topless.

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UEFA have given permission for games in La Liga and Serie A to be played abroad, BUT don’t worry, this does not set a precedent.

Today, Luke, Vish and Jim ponder over that. Plus, Vish explains why he thinks Nico O'Reilly will be in the England squad for the World Cup and how Man United might have seen the wrong film when they tried to watch Moneyball.

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Lars is on the pod! Our Norweigan uncle Lars Sivertsen has Crossed The Continent™ and is back on the Ramble as he joins Marcus and Jim to answer all of your questions.

They ask whether the traditional 'mid-table' Premier League clubs can get in on the action and join the big soup that is challenging for Europe this season. Plus, who's the most underrated Premier League player of the decade? And how did Sir Gareth get a mention in that discussion?

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It was a great weekend for Chelsea. They beat Liverpool and didn’t even have a single player sent off! Although Marcus and Jim aren't happy that Enzo Maresca wasn’t allowed to do his post-match interview.

Elsewhere, we learn that it's been a great week for the Kluivert Kingdom. Plus, we have to wonder: are Man United back?

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We're back with another round of My Biddy Aunt! This week Jim takes on the nemesis of football quizzing Vithushan Ehantharajah in search of a first win of the season.

Marcus steps into the shoes of Brucey as he plays quizmaster. Bring it on!

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Nottingham Forest fans and Ange Postecoglou are just some of the people we currently feel sorry for. Unfortunately, for Evangelos Marinakis he's not on the list...

Today, Marcus, Vish and Jim share their thoughts on the increasingly toxic situation at Nottingham Forest. Plus, Enzo Maresca is forced to ask his team for a very basic request and we give The Flintstones an unreasonable amount of airtime.

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Marcus, Luke and Jim are back to gorge on more Champions League delights! And the entire history of Eric Dier's penalty record is the perfect place to start for Marcus...

Luke wonders whether last night's draw in Monaco is further evidence that this is Man City's level now, while Jim is left absolutely stunned by the new 'Roy-kini' at Dublin Fashion Week. There's also time to give Newcastle their dues after a 4-0 thumping in Belgium which had nothing at all to do with the First World War, and Scotland's Ballon d'Or representative goes rogue. Join...

Liverpool have lost two games in a row. Today, Vish isn't calling it a crisis but he does tell Marcus and Jim that he knows of a Premier League manager that could fix all of their problems.

Elsewhere, José Mourinho returned to Stamford Bridge and blew a kiss to our very own Marcus Speller. Plus, Erling Haaland is being uncharacteristically wholesome. We're not happy about it...

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Things are going from really, really bad at Manchester United to somehow dramatically worse. So, is it time for old Jim Ratcliffe to bin off the second manager of his tenure and wave goodbye to Ruben Amorim?

Marcus, Luke & Jim give their rather robust thoughts on that. Plus, what next for Graham Potter after his miserable spell at West Ham?

And given it's a Tuesday, we've got a little Brucey bonus for you. Consider it a treat from us.

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Plucky Crystal Palace are the only side still unbeaten in the Premier League. Today, Marcus, Luke, Jim and Pete give them their long overdue flowers.

Arsenal also get their flowers for winning a battle at St James' Park. Plus, we ring the Saturday sacking alarm as Graham Potter leaves West Ham and we learn what Jonjo Shelvey is up to these days.

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It's a game of Jack's Encyclopaedia for the history books: if Luke wins out against Marcus today, then he'll become the first ever unified belt holder in Football Ramble quizzing history. It's a big old day for the Luke Nation!

He's already the My Biddy Aunt lineal champ, but can he strip the Jack's Encyclopaedia belt from Marcus' grasp? Pete's refereeing this bout. Let's be having ya!

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The first week of the Europa League is done and dusted. Highlights included Aston Villa finally getting a win and the Nice eagle getting blasted in the face by a sprinkler.

Today, Marcus, Luke and Pete mull over that before Donny throws down the gauntlet for Arsenal to finally get a win at St James’ Park. We also question whether Mark Clattenburg really did throw a boot at José Mourinho.

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There's nothing quite like a can of Carabao to help us digest a night of football which saw four Premier League behemoths gobble up their lower-league opposition.

Pete tells Luke and Jim why he's interested in a machine that takes control of the nervous system and ingests those delicious Carabaos for you. He also explains why he's in trouble thanks to a colony of woodworms. There's some football talk too, promise...

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Despite scoring, last night should probably be considered a bad night for Hugo Ekitike. Do you think the fact that Pete has written a new chant for him will make him feel better today? Donny performs his masterpiece for Marcus and Luke.

Elsewhere, Lamine Yamal's dad joins an illustrious club of mental football fathers. Plus, the Palm Trees take on the Tricky Trees tonight!

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Looking for a new football podcast for the 2025/26 season? Well, you’re in luck!

The Football Ramble: the original and best football podcast. Strong takes, funny jokes and a passion for Jack Grealish.

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Unai Emery's got himself in a right old pickle at Villa Park. Five games into the season and they've not got a single win on the board!

Marcus, Jim & Vish are here to give their takes on what exactly is going wrong at Villa this season. Plus, Jim lays out his plan to complete a heist on Lazio's eagle, and Marcus tells us all why he wants a piece of Phil Neville's wood.

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Marcus, Vish and Jim are back to discuss a thigh-rubbing weekend of Premier League football which included an Old Trafford edition of Takeshi's Castle that presumably the Pope tuned in for.

Elsewhere, Marcus is left wanting more from Arsenal after their Sunday afternoon slugfest with Man City, while there's a lot of love for Ryan Gravenberch. And speaking of love, Jim has the misfortune of falling down David Sullivan's Wikipedia page. A truly awful place.

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