The Rules

Comedian, broadcaster and impressionist Matt Forde joins Simon to figure out how to stop people being rude to waiters by curtailing obsession with status.

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Edinburgh Comedy Award winning Jordan Brookes inspires Simon to use complex computer simulations and child labour to stop people dropping apple cores.

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Writer, actor and producer Michael Stranney helps Simon get to grip with people who don't respect fellow tube passengers or communal fridges.

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The one and only Rich Fulcher helps Simon figure out how to stop bus seat blockers and remind his kids to put on their socks.

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Writer, podcaster and comedian Eleanor Morton encourages Simon to introduce rules to curb public spitting and avoid boring conversations.

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Stand-up and actor Andy Field joins Simon to inspire driving empathy and psychedelic misadventure.

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Prolific writer, broadcaster and Pappy's member Matthew Crosby helps Simon restore the high street to its former glory and guarantee that people really mean it when they say "thank you"

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The Delightful Sausage and Rural Concerns' Chris Cantrill convinces Simon to eradicate bags on train seats and littering, while rewarding the socially conscientious with visions of the future.

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Multi-award-winning comedian Shalaka Kurup teams up with Simon to ensure that everyone will always be on time and respectful to bus drivers.

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Actor, comedian and musician Nick Helm vents to Simon about angry gym-goers, unfriendly neighbours and trying to maintain empathy.

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Co-host of Loremen and Rural Concerns James Shakeshaft joins Simon to combat anarchy in the world of eggs.

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Podcaster and Youtuber Robbie Knox implores Simon to reward elite airport users and punish traffic-light-ignoring cyclists.

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Writer, stand-up and co-host of The Screen Rot Podcast Jacob Hawley inundates Simon with rules on drinking, driving, queuing and poltergeists.

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Writer, actor and stand-up Annie McGrath joins Simon to make swimming pools more calming, park runs less dangerous and Q&As less embarrassing.

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Stand-up and sketch comedian Finlay Christie pleads with Simon to fix bad adverts, impolite conversation and stressful driving lessons.

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Stand-up and Emmy-nominated writer Michael Odewale convinces Simon to utilise inflatable obstacle courses, horses and spanking to bring order to the world.

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The inimitable Elis James begs Simon to force people to laugh at his jokes and chill out by 10%.

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Multi-talented comedian Alasdair Beckett-King guides Simon towards subjugating the rich with book tokens and genetically engineered foxes.

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Stand-up, writer and immigration solicitor Sikisa employs Simon to add rules on public weeing, shared Spotify account etiquette and denigration of professional wrestling.

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Celebrated MC & stand-up Michael May convinces Simon to protect cats from being picked up and humans from being given dystopian names.

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Actor and stand-up Eshaan Akbar helps Simon deal with people who refuse to get their tickets ready before the barriers and block escalators with their massive suitcases.

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Award-winning stand-up Eryn Tett implores Simon to induct rules against one-star reviews and lying to be nice.

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Writer and stand-up John Meagher convinces Simon to end the chaos of Lime bikes with the healing power of fire.

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Feel Good actor and stand-up Jack Barry helps Simon eradicate food fingering and window peering.

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Pappy's very own Tom Parry and Simon rid the world of chimneys and bring estate agents to order with the power of zorbs.

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Force of nature stand-up Kate Barron joins Simon to talk bad dog owners, etiquette lessons in schools and how to confront wrongdoers responsibly.

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Co-founder of Angel Comedy Barry Ferns and Simon aim to embarrass cyclists and public eaters.

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Award-winning comedian Hasan Al-Habib and Simon get to grips with manipulative text messages and the decline of Ps and Qs in popular media.

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Stand-up, presenter and co-host of We Saw That Andrew Mensah provides Simon with philosophical ways of making people try their best under the constant threat of humiliating public shame.

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Canadian stand-up and actor Michelle Shaughnessy and Simon devise ways of bringing small talk, train delays and bothering women after dark to an end.

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Actor and co-host of Rural Concerns Sunil Patel joins Simon to take aim at unruly public transport passengers.

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Victoria Wood Award winner Rob Copland and Simon work out plans to enlighten the populace and end the tyranny of food influencers.

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Stand-up, author and panel-based comedian Rhys James joins Simon to discuss how to rein in the chaos on the nation's walkways.

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Coming soon. The podcast to save us all. Email YOUR rules to therulespod@gmail.com.

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