Live From The 405 Podcast

The final days of my Christmas beast coast vacation extravaganza in enchanting Buffalo, NY. I went to see Marty Supreme, and something happened that has never happened to me in a movie theater in my entire life. (Tantalizing!) A requiem for the plastic bag.

People are still consciously going to see Avatar movies, and if it's not a harbinger of the ultimate collapse of our society, I don't know what else is. I'm thrilled that DiCaprio is apparently playing Al Pacino in Heat 2. Ax throwing and driving…range'n. The Billy Joel documentary. Bugonia. Buffalo, new years, and my brudder's house things. That's a wrap on 2025, doggie! (How'd you do?)

Accidental hangover. The art muze-zeeyam. Christmas shenanigans. Christmas movie round up.  Travels. The Pee Wee doc. Florida shit. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukah.

The loquacious Lukester's wild weekend continues! Dude/Boges and I spend a long hard day in Long Beach and Orange County. We met up with metal Travis and the dudes from Deaf Club to get a tour of a rad rocket factory, then we all went to the (dreaded) Observatory in Orange County to witness Dillinger Escape Plan perform Calculating Infinity (and a few other hits) in its entirety, at about 36% energy level. Then I pontificate about the Rob Reiner slaying, and Jerry Seinfeld appearing on We Might Be Drunk podcast.

If you listen closely, you can hear the crumpling up and throwing out of a winning talk radio formula! I went to the set of the new Tarantino/Fincher movie, and then I went to see Bear vs Shark at the Regent, after a very long and stressful day preceding it.

Gym locker drama. I lament and lambast the fact that Ted Sarandos and Netflix are taking over 80% of the entertainment industry, which is a really good idea for someone trying to break into the industry. (Calling him "the anti-christ of cinema" probably won't bode well for my first meeting) I went to see Blade Runner at the Million Dollar Theater (FROM the movie). I give my thoughts on that, and the abusive relationship we're all trapped in as sci fi fans. I extoll my excitement for a myriad of events this Friday, Dec 12 will be one of the most...

Is this a gym, or a dance studio? Thanksgiving and the whipped cream embargo. I'm not into this new AFI album, but everybody else apparently is. Landman Season 2 is upon us, and I finally caught that "American Primeval" series on Netflix. If you really want to get into the spirit of these new modern western series, you should flagellate yourself while you watch them. I went to see The Thing and pissed 115x. I shot a .357 Magnum and fell in love, and I went to see Roger Deakins speak at a screening of a gorgeous movie he shot, and...

The tyranny of local radio. Do you also have an inexplicable retention for "parody versions of popular songs" that people made up? My moral quandry about "AI-sh Robert Duvall in a True Lies 2." Misfits will probably be stolen from me. (I don't have authorship over the actual event, you see.) There's incompetence afoot, from a certain Mexican corporate food chain. I owe god money, and I'm dodging Him. The Charlie Sheen documentary (one more quick point), then I complain about The Rookie and Collateral, because I've run out of new movies to complain about. They're going to reboot Baywatch...

Polish Brandon from The Liquor License podcast graciously joins the loquacious Lukester for this episode, as we get into a myriad of tantalizing topics. The Charlie Sheen Netflix doc. How Polish Brandon technically made MTV history, and I/we had no idea. How no one feels bad about Kevin Spacey being "homeless." Ruminations and lamentations about the current state of cinema, and how we hope for better days ahead. AI porn potential. How the world has turned against Bill Burr, and how he's handling it about as badly as possible. And "what constitutes classic rock" in the modern era...

There's about no reason to bother getting a concealed carry permit in Los Angeles. (Im finding out the hard way) I'm dying. (Again. Probably.) I have thoughts about Happy Gilmore 2. I discovered "Reckless Ben," and aliens are landing in random towns/places in full view of dozens of people, but nothing is happening. (Or it gets covered up. Men in black shit.)

Big yet somewhat vague news on Misfits. Watch out for the nasal sprays! Instead of doing something fulfilling on Halloween like "taking my children trick or treating," or perusing LA Halloween whores, I went home and watched GI Joe: The Movie (from 1987) Subway got rid of their flatbread for breakfast sandwiches, because of course they did.  I went to see a myriad of old movies around town in the fortnight since we last spoke: Bullitt, Fitzcarraldo, and Annie Hall (RIP Diane Keaton)I did stand up for the first time in 3 months, and I went to see Michael Knowles s...

"Spooky season" is almost over. (Ugh) The guy who came up with the marketing catchphrase "Burger King: Where YOU rule." Things about my new car. (That I missed half the talking points for, shit) I went to see two brand new movies: Good Boy, and Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere. They went about as well as the rest of the new releases of 2025. Big Trouble In Little China 2 may be on the way, but "someone" had an idea for it a long time ago. I bought a GI Joe comic book, because I was getting laid WAY too much...

From my lips, to your ears – don't eat McDonalds hamburgers. Under any circumstances. I'm falling out of love with movies as I get older. (Are you?) One complaint after another, and I submit to you a reason the movie industry and movie culture is in a state of stagnation for a reason no one else is considering; a lack of visionary PRODUCERS. Roofman, the movie. My 2,500 cents on Mr. Scorsese, the documentary. Big shake up at Studio A.

Not-so-fast-times on the 405. (Which is double ironic, because the story takes place within 3 miles of most of Fast Times At Ridgemont High) Guess who's got his 3rd cold in 5 months?? I had a real mini screenplay crisis, it's quite the harrowing tale, buckle up! I went to see "my AMIGO, question mark?" Eric Rocha open for Andrew Dice Clay at the Comedy Store, and it was one of the best comedy shows of the decade.

The Mysterious Whore Of Sepulveda Blvd. Someone "upgraded" the California DMV, and it worked out about as well as you'd expect. One of my biggest Hollywood crushes semi-flirted with me. (Maybe. Kind of.) More like LAME-ian Echols. In one of the worst sell outs/hypocrisies in the history of this podcast, I went to see One Battle After Another, and give my thoughts about it. The new AFI stuff is making its way out there, and people are embracing the weirdness. In one of, and possibly THE most metal nostalgic nights of my life, I went to see Sepultura-ish...

You have a better shot getting a square deal in Mos Eisley spaceport than you do trying to sell electronics online. One Battle After Another (which also describes Paul Thomas Andersons' attempts at making an enjoyable movie) I went to see The Hold Steady Saturday night, and then make endless excuses as to why I felt like crap at Vinnie's (beautiful) wedding the next day.

Work has basically reduced me to Bob Cratchit from A Christmas Carol. (That's a real high-brow reference, you know you're in for an intellectually stimulating podcast. Fuck "NPR," LF405 is hella edumacational) The guy who played Cobra Commander's voice was a gift from on high. I forgot an important BTS fact from Blow Out from a couple episodes ago and regale you with THAT one, and I say "no thanks" to Charlie Kirk conspiracy theories. (And conspiracy theories in general, or at least people that thrive on them for some inexplicable reason)

Charlie Kirk, with "the usual suspects" at work. I finally won a film festival with this friggin pilot. The Bernie Madoff of movie scripts. The Bourne Legacy and Inherent Vice were worse than I could have possibly fathomed. A busy day at work, but I got to hang out with the guy that shot the Van Halen "Hot For Teacher" video?? Get the fuck out!!

"Somebody up there likes me," headphones edition. More things that I'm forgetting and costing myself money, for being a dunski. (As the old New Yorkers call it) Couple minor and relatively pointless things about my script, but what the hell. People who cave dive, and have died in caves. Or almost died. And/or the rescuers died too. (Why the fuck do people cave dive??) I watched Blow Out (the old Brian DePalma movie) for the first time and had some thoughts about it, I also went to see the new Spike Lee (ugh) movie Highest 2 Lowest ("tWoOo??") and...

I spend like 25 minutes telling you how good The Insider is. Then I tell you about my labor day weekend, where most of the labor was "the work I put into trying to get laid, or meet a girlfriend." I went to see my friends' stand up show at the Improv, and try to figure out if Catherine Keener was there. (I think she was. Was she? I think so. Yes.)

"Luke Biden," over here. A wild weekend of unhealthy food, booze, old movies, bad service, good service, police, hipsters, heroes, dive bars, beaches, and lousy pie.

The big 405 prize giveaway! The 4' of safe space in my entire neighborhood to park my bike has been compromised, so now we all suffer. T Dog's pre-birthday, and more wonderful, reliable service at another California Mexican restaurant. I went to see an old movie with Barbara Hershey and John Lithgow and they were there, and so was the piece of shit director. Nobody saw Nobody 2, and deservedly so. Like the old saying goes: "people that host shows in Glass Houses should have stones thrown at them." (It was a reach, but I went for it)

No one knows how to write TV shows OR songs anymore, apparently. (Lucky us) We're up to two white male protagonists in a new Star Wars movie?! The earth might spin off its axis!! I saw that new movie "Weapons" and have many thoughts, then Bokes, Mrs. Bokes, and I travel to Las Vegas to hang out with Billy Biohazard at the Punk Rock Museum. It was a glorious occasion that I spend way too much time talking about. (Can you believe it?) Finally, the eternal Los Angeles conundrum: "Rats or Mexicans?"

Chipotle Incompetence, and at this point, I should almost make a separate podcast dedicated to complaining about gyms. (Im SO sorry) The Bore Of 1812, and a comically angry, tiny, Italian would-be assassin, lost to history…until now. (It's a good one)

Lukester: The eternal Familiar Stranger. No one drinks at 8pm here. Liam Neeson and Pameler Anderson are apparently an item, and I have thoughts about it. Fantastic Four had a massive audience drop off in its second week, and I'd be lying if I didn't say it made me "low key" happy. (As the kids say) I saw the Robert Altman movie "Nashville," and really wished I hadn't.

Why would the expensive wireless headphones I bought actually work? I went to the Deftones themed bar event in downtown LA this weekend hoping to meet chicks, and it went about is as well you probably expect it did. I saw the movie "Eddington" and 10 minutes of The Fantastic Four, so you don't have to. Lungs update: "Go fuck yourself (basically)" – My Doctor. The Arnold nod. Motorcycle madness.

"War is hell." (Seriously) Big update at Golds Gym Venice, get ready. The usual suspects are glad that Hulk Hogan is dead. (Here's a clue: "they're probably cat owners.") AFI: WTF? (take 2) I saw Andre The Giant, and my mom once met…Richard Nixon and Dwight D Eisenhower?! (And other historical Allen revelations!) New aggravation just dropped: "someone" leaving their coffee cup on the filthy sink surface. I went to see Aliens in 70mm at the Egyptian with Gale Ann Hurd (the producer) doing q&A, and shit got wild.

It's Polish Brandon's birthday, and Ozzy Osbourne's death day. (God damn DEATH dedication…) More bands in 90s movies, and ruminations on Kim Basinger's bush. Ka-mara. Rebuffed by Arnold Schwarzenegger. "Movers." AFI: WTF? Grant rant. A night out in Toluca Lake, and the impossibility for anyone in the greater Los Angeles area to not fuck up my hamburger.

I think I'm finally all better! (Maybe? I don't know. At least my cough is gone! For now!) (Nervous laughter) No one plays "lovably sleazy" like Paul Giamatti. Exciting things coming up (I didn't know how else to articulate this segment) Unfortunately for you, I found out today was the 30 year anniversary of seeing Korn for the first time. "Mecca of bodybuilding?" More like WRECK-A of bodybuilding. A prolific, Los Angeles-gallavanting Saturday, and I went to see Superman so you don't have to. (This shouldve been a two-parter, I'm sorry. Save it for a long drive? Or if you...

July 5th, Chipotle AND Cava incompetence (there's not a single chicken-slinger in LA you can rely on…), stand up comedy revelations, and I went to see Love & Mercy at the Aero, a motion picture I take quite a fancy to. I also somewhat capriciously yet not wholly unsubstantially compare the Beach Boys to Dillinger Escape Plan.

405, for another 4 to 5. The gas company bandit. Michael Madsen mad me sads, son. The smog mafia. I regale you with my city wide and county-hopping gallivanting on the 4th of July. I mean, move over Robinson Crusoe; there's a NEW adventurer on the loose!

A prescient prediction about 28 Years Later. Big news on the Starbucks brownie front. My old acting teacher died. (Shockingly, not "of embarrassment" from watching me) Big news on the screenplay front. Bokes & I went to see Harley Flanagan from Cro Mag's new documentary, "Wired For Chaos." I went to see Mark. Normand at the Comedy Store, and I did a little stand up m'self for the first time…in fuckin yeaz.

Ol "lilly lungs" Lukie is back, celebrating one month and one week of having this cold! Yay! 405 Chaos. Another invention I could/should invent, but won't. Jeff Dye & Fiends at the Comedy Store. Among the many other natural attributes I've been blessed with, I've also come to realize I'm "I'll be right with you" guy. 28 Jeers Later, and O Brother Where Art Thou. (Seriously, where art thou?)

Why do so many businesses in LA go out of business, only to have the exact same kind of business take over in the same exact spot the last business failed? Sex in the middle ages. Spaceballs 2. "Mobland" (nice fuckin name, as usual…)

I'm still fucking sick, and consume about 17 cough drops throughout this episode. The Los Angeles Insurrection, and my growing and almost unquantifiable contempt for this place and the people in charge of it. A couple more things about Harley Flanagan and the Cro Mags (sorry) I try to get you to appreciate the movie "Green Book," and I went to see The Proposition with the director and cast there live. (Sort of) I also saw Dogma, the old Kevin Smith movie that is having a limited national re-release.

This episode came to you by storm. (I'm strug-a-leeng with a cold on this one, so bare with me) Harley Flan..again? Two big observations I forgot to mention about god awful Mission Impossible 8 last episode. The Hottie And The Nottie, 1923, Landman, and "we need to talk about Jon Hamm."

"Real Men," and the Jim Belushi conundrum. If you can believe this, there's actually a handful of decent-sounding original movies on the horizon! Good news for my stuff. (Well, "potentially," as always) I may have gotten fired, again. A lengthy (as usual) Mission Impossible 8 review.

I'm back. Maybe. The sad truth about the animal crossing bridge on the 101. Starbucks probably got rid of their brownie, because it was my favorite treat from there, and anything that I like in this life will be systematically taken away from. (Like TGI Fridays) The two-cookie conundrum. Restaurant workers that don't put utensils in their Doordash orders should literally be dragged to hell. I put up 265, no sweat! The untapped potential of Cyril Rampahosa. You thought "Diddy parties" were rough, wait til you hear about Hussein parties! Deadguy is still bringin it.

I went to the opening of David Mamet's new movie "Henry Johnson" the same day James Foley died, who directed the movie version of Mamet's most famous work, and I was in nerd utopia. I also went to see the Accountant 2 ("tWoOo?!") so that you don't have to. Thank you for your ears, throughout the years.  

Five double o! I recount the colorful history of this here podcast. A fellow traveler in Los Angeles car wash-dom. The Studio, and the tragedy of Seth Rogan. The trouble with Instagram titties. I'm finding the rhythms for my rebound girl, the LA Fitness on Coldwater and Victory. The trouble with Jon Hamm, and Apple TV shows round up. (Who made the cut? Who didn't? HOW EXCITING IS THIS)

Pee jug. One less jerk at work. Hittin pavement for puss. Another show I won't go. Pizza extortion and casting exasperations. Thunderbolts, that new Marvel movie. "The best one since End Game!"

White Men Can't Jump was the pinnacle of positive black/white relations in the United States. Fuck Robert Rodriguez and his can-do attitude. I spent the afternoon with a BIG MOVIE STAR, and got 3rddegree burns on my tongue from a fish taco. (Possibly)

We need a reverse middle finger. For Christ's sakes. The Last Of Them. The Rockford Files. Warfare. Sinners. Assault & Slattery.

I flew back to Buffalo for my & my nephew's birthday.

Still on the rebound after having my heart broken. (By the LA Fitness closing at Coldwater and Chandler) You basically need the shields from the Tim Burton Batman Batmobile in LA if you want your car to not be destroyed, broken into, vandalized, etc. I definitely go to Chipotle too much. I messed around with AI images and it blew my feeble mind. Mr Penis Powers came to town, and lead to a plethora of gallivanting. Seeing King Of Comedy in a theater was a whole different experience than I would have anticipated.

Snow White? More like "s'no successful MOVIE!" I tell you about a bunch of movies in the pipeline; some good, some bad. (Mostly bad) I went to see Refused at the historic Shrine Auditorium, and also took a gander at the house that Bugsy got his eyeball blown out in. I had a myriad of thoughts about both.

I don't care if I have to walk over a desert of thumbtacks to get where I'm going, I cannot handle being a passenger in other people's cars anymore. A workout in Tijuana. A plethora of fast food incompetence.  (It's spreading) A night of metal at the Viper Room. The banana thief. The Coalesce conundrum.

Id like to "excise" the asshole that came up with the "excise tax" from planet earth. I'm so tired of arbitrary and ever-growing surcharges for almost everything conceivable. Stop casting Michael Fassbender as an urbane spy and/or hitman. I've had it with "Grandma-la Anderson;" PUT SOME MAKE UP ON, YOU FUCK. The stranded astronauts came back to earth, but there's more to this story than we really got. No one cares about JFK assassination. I spend a lot of time talking about 70s crime film "Prime Cut."

A whimsical evening at the Comedy Store. We're up to 25% chance on Misfits, fam! This is wild! The Deftones concert. Charlie Kirk at CSUN. A weekend of shooting out in the desert with my amigos(?)

I finally finished this goddamn Misfits project, so you won't have to hear about it anymore. (Unless something actually happens with it. 6% chance, hopefully the Bureau is understaffed…) I'd like to give most replies on Craigslist a Craigs-fist. The third favorite LA Fitness in 20 years is closing, because of course it is. A problem with my Harley that would only happen to me. Gene Hackman leaves us guessing, and stop bothering me about Epstein. Berenstein Bears Paradox: "homeless people are crazy" line, from Speed. I went to a Back To The Future event, and realized I'm so fucking old th...

What a lovely Wednesday mourning! Colonoscopy extravaganza. Adventures in Los Angeles customer service, starring Luke Allen and Eric Rocha. Going to see Deftones next week, but of course there has to be a catch, because god hates me. 

Polish Brandon is a special guest this week, because I had fuck-all to talk about for 488. I needed back up. We talk about LA haircuts, the Superbowl a little bit (rare sports talk!), freezing your shit, and working at a bowling alley that lots of famous people came into. (And we had to deal with) You can hear more from this son of an onion on his weekly podcast, The Liquor License. One.

There are refugee camps in Gaza with better amenities and less issues than my god forsaken apartment. There always has to be "one weirdo." Rob's birthday part II (it's never too late!) and the gun range with Vince.

The Roman Coliseum has better plumbing than my apartment building. Tarantino says “2019 was the last real year for movies,” and I agree with him quite emphatically. For the movie Blink Twice, you’re better off blinking just once, and then holding it for 2 hours. Don’t get “Buffaloed” by the movie “Buffaloed.” (It’s a Canadian piece of shit) My Beatles are coming! The Deadguy documentary. I went to the heart doctor and they almost needed defribulators instead of electrodes. A day of shooting and French fry betrayal.

Calve-raped by a dog at the gym, and my first stand up comedy set/mic in over a year. (Fuck it) Bob's Big Boy. Fuck anyone that pre-emptively beeps at you at a red light. I'm getting bi-coastally fucked by the two worst governors in the country. (Details inside) "C.O.M." movie marathon with mister Eric Rocha.

Fuck "the fountain of youth," just give me a ripe banana. The thing about The Thing. God got so tired of the California fires, he put them out himself. I forgot about the time Chris Hardwicke fucked me over.

David Lynch died. Stop making movies about the wolfman. I dip my toe into the whimsical world of AI creation, and it was annoying, and confusing. Really taking the "able" out of "Gable," and how Hollywood has essentially fucked me in the ass with no lube for 15 years and running because I dare to "try." Bored-walk Empire. The air is still horrendous and fires are STILL going…three weeks later, in this alleged 1st world country/state.

Los Angeles will literally be on fire for the foreseeable future for a myriad of reasons, but mostly "arson." (Shhhh!!!!!) At Chipotle, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. (Suck my Dickens) I mostly likely bore you to tears about my screenplay and the dramatic breakthrough I managed, but it will be worth it because Taylor Sheridan is totes going to produce it and it'll be on your TV and your iPhone and your Apple watch. (There is actually technically a 1% chance of that happening. If so, please recommend me high end prostitutes in...

From the smoldering embers of Studio D, I tell you my harrowing final days in Buffalo and the dreadful return home.

Last days in Florida, first days in Buffalo. New Years Eve, and the trip to my brother's house. (Please excuse the annoying audio for a few minutes, and my distraction at driving through a nasty snowstorm/white out for a while in upstate New York.) Happy new year!

Huston, we have a problem. The day before I left was a real kick in the rear end, fam. (Keeping it PG for Christmas, folks.) (And by "PG," I mean "pretty gay.") The flight to Florida, and the struggle for a proper Belgian waffle. I had Christmas and went to see Nosferatu so that you don't have to, then I watched Rogue One directly into A New Hope, and had thoughts on those. I apologize, not only was this an uneventful week, I really wasn't in the mood to do this episode on top of it. Way to end...

I observe how much I hate the Observatory. I had no business using one of the cameras from The Revenant to shoot my dick jokes with, but I did anyway. After 27 years of deliberating and excuse making, I finally got my stupid Star Wars tattoo fixed. I can't think of a single filmmaker in history who has ruined their legacy or fucked up their own movies more than asshole piece of shit George Lucas. I'm afraid of Vistaviews. I'm either having a weird reaction to my sleep medication, or I'm several days into the Drag Me To Hell curse...

28 Years Later, 23 years later. I'm the asshole for bringing up the fact that people are constantly falling asleep and snoring in Los Angeles movie theaters. The resplendent bliss of Arby's. I mostly complain about several podcasts from the last week. I went to see "Horizon," the Kevin Costner western, so you don't have to.

What did you do on your 30th birthday? Cigar, whiskey, chocolate. (Try it) Capote is a good movie. Reggie And The No Effect, and the west Hollywood diarrhea tour. Kidney stone update! Wild times on the 405 northbound. Simply having a miserable Christmas time. The Gene Wilder doc made me cry, the Ashley Madison doc gave me anxiety (and flashbacks).

"I'm the asshole" because my Thanksgiving food was fuckin terrible. People love to argue with me, even when they don't really have a counterpoint. Kidney stones update. (Tell me this isn't the most captivating podcast on the internet, I dare you) Saturday Night Stomach Ache (instead of "Fever?" Get it?) Keith from Life Of Agony is an overnight media sensation. I'm excited about  meeting an internet personality soon. (Or is it..PAW-sonality??) Screenplay troubles, but also, like breakthroughs. (Also "percentage" update. Of, y'know, "it getting made.")

It was easier to travel west here in a covered wagon than it is to keep your clean for 24hrs in this city. When will we have holographic projections like in Star Wars? Another untalented spotter at the gym robs me of greatness. I have more kidney stones than a box of Mike & Ikes

I'm usually funnier, but I think I was (literally) passing a kidney stone this episode. Leno's black guy. Mike Tyson fought Jake Paul. (More like FAKE Paul) UFC and USA. Miller's Crossing. (I bet you saw it a long time ago, and should watch it again) The Heretic. "Mondays, amirite?"

The Battle Of Penora Street Creek. Fast Times At War Memorial Stadium. 3% chance! The Vince McMahon documentary on Netflix. More like WACK Forest Gummy Worms…

The Battle Of Penora Street Creek. Fast Times At War Memorial Stadium. The settlement at Roanoke ended up better than my settlement with the trucking company. 3% chance! The Vince McMahon documentary on Netflix. More like WACK Forest Gummy Worms…

Down with the sickness. Trump won the 2024 election. Halloween. I discover definitive photographic proof of life outside of Earth; "NBD," as the kids say. Unsolved Mystery of the mysterious refugee camp(?) behind the shitty, shitty North Hollywood Golds. That movie "Find Me Guilty" with Vin Diesel, and the realization that NY DP's suck.

I don't care about Halloween this year, 2024. (Probably because Im old, and crabby. I like seeing slutty costumes, but Im just too lazy) "Girl" trouble. Smile 2 ("tWoOo?!") Trump was on Rogan and Hinchliffe was at Trump, and people handled it as maturely and reasonably as you'd expect. I want credit for being DECADES ahead of "we all hate Mariah Carey Christmas music now." Grave circumstances in Bevery Hills.

I finished The Godfather, and give my final thoughts on the fucker. (You won't have to hear about it again. At least not for a long time. Probably.) I saw that movie "The Apprentice" about young Trump and Roy Cohn. I was lulled in by suggestions that it was "objective" and almost "sympathetic" to the man; spoiler alert: it wasn't. I talk about the Will Haven/Strife show at the Troubador.

*Editor's Note: The song I was referring to was "SAIL," from AWOL Nation. Not "Air," as I erroneously portended.

The story of my two tattoos, esp the lousy Star Wars one that I have that I'm too much of a pussy to get fixed. (For now) The story of this guy that had his amazing scenes cut from Return Of The Jedi, and how it must have impacted his life. I met the most Evan-y Evan of all time. The Ed Wood screening, with Dana Gould.

My sentence for being a self indulgent pig: hamburger hands. A slight reduction on my fatty sides! Things that are needlessly and hopelessly difficult and insanely expensive in Los Angeles: getting your concealed carry permit, rejoining Central Casting, getting your haircut. Rusty came to visit, we saw "Saturday Night." (That SNL movie)

Escape the fate on a windshield AND a door! After a two month reprieve, the daily doom and gloom is back. A homeless guy was too good for my shoes. (AND socks) Who the FUCK is "Carmela Creeper?!" Chipotle Incompetence. SOMETHING IS STILL BITING ME, DAILY. At night I can't sleep, I toss & turn. Saturday night Date with Blood In, Blood Out. Real World Season 2 revisit. Bruce's show, and an accidental viewing of the god awful Roadhouse remake. I complain about Penguin and the Godfather book some more, and talk about people talking about my stupid screenplay/mini series...

Megalopolis is quite possibly the most pretentious movie in Hollywood history. Im still watching Tulsa King, somehow. I feel like a real fraud piece of shit at the Comedy Store, and totally don't need therapy. I'm still watching The Penguin, are you?

I guess I'll never see Sepultura again. Tennis in Los Angeles has a few different interpretations. (I found out the hard way) I tried to take headshots but deserved a different type of "headshot." Sympathy for McClusky. October 1 2024, everything is just going great! Definitely still a 1st world country. Last note about "1923," I promise. (Well, at least until another fuckin season comes out…) Hot LA comedy gos, you get the inside scoop and an ear full of poop.

I moved to LA twenty years ago this week. They need to invent an "avocado blower" next, I guess. Chipotle Incompetence, and what's up with the youth? Someone needs to reign in these paper towel companies, it's out of control. The Penguin on HBO. The Montgomery Clift crash site. The making of Thriller documentary on Paramount Plus. I read the Godfather and complain about the book adaptation. (Coppola really is a fucking fraud, I'm sorry, film purists…)

Just to round off the "hate list," I can't stand Rainn Wilson either. The old guy at CVS. We had a real ripe banana crisis in this city on Monday. (As if it weren't a banana republic as it is already, LOLLL!!!) I think I spend more time complaining about the direct flight to NC and back more than actually talking about the NC trip. And the sad part is, the flights weren't even that troublesome. I'm wound tighter than the guy from Bloodlet's snare drum.

I couldn't find the picture of that Vietnamese girl from part 1, but I inadvertently sent myself on a journey of discovery into my past, and illuminated some new revelations. (One of them being "I've sent a LOT of dick pics in the last 15yrs") I hate Kumal Nanjiani, but let me tell you why. I went to watch the Trump/Kamala debate live, and left dissatisfied on about 19 different levels. (Chicken tenders were involved) Trump is a bore on podcasts, and if I never hear about "the golden years of the Boston comedy scene" again, it'll be too fuckin...

I wrap up Labor Day weekend, and essentially use your ears as a repository for my vitriol. (I apologize, but it's much cheaper than therapy) Leaf blowers! Dumb people at the beach! High prices! You name it, I bitch about it! I posit the question "Am I a weirdo for 'stretch-talking?'" (Details inside) One more note on the A Team, one more famous Rainbow bar anecdote, the infamous ET Atari game debacle (look at ME following through on promised topics!) and the annoying, mousy weirdo at my PT office.

West coast aint got no love for Zito movers?! Your brain can only remember 150 people, but it's still weird to me when famous people don't recognize me. Chipotle Incompetence™. I'm so disgruntled I don't even like Entourage or The A Team anymore. Hurtin for a Burton. I sent in my Misfits pilot(?) for coverage. I went to the Vista for the first time (where there was a vistaview, vistas AND views) to see Strange Darling, a hot new indie hit. Stung by the Beekeep'ah. Last Samurai – does it hold up? Friday night on historic Sunset blvd (two of the four...

Ireland, here I come. More like Montgomery almost DROVE OFF a Clift.  Old and burned out. T Dog's birthday. Wheel wet got me wheel mad. The Bureau infects Gelsons. The letter "W" (I wish I was kidding, that's how light of material I was this week) De-aging in movies is somehow getting worse. Trump on Theo Von (why) I figured out why it's Hardees and Carls Jr on two sides of the country.           

Mr Helper, and a review of the new Aliens video game, Alien: Romulus

Aside from the Bureau, I now have the nefarious family branched out into all my favorite products, systematically ruining them. They've now infiltrated the Doordash app, Bai flavored water, and Carl's Jr. My review of "Raising Canes," a new (alleged) chicken finger slinger around town. Why do bars and restaurants constantly reopen in establishments that have a proven track record of "not working previous to this?" T Dog & I saw Mark Normand in Thousand Oaks, then I drove to my boss's downtown and saw all the beautiful folks. (Of which I am not one) 

A shocking turn of events in Los Angeles, breaking news. If you want to cover "I Drive A Fast Car," I hope you get in one and drive it into a tree. I hate the driver of a Tesla, more or less-la. Travel rage-ency. Rocha and the wretched Virzis at the Ice House, with Daryl Hammond-cheese sandwich. Corrriiinnnne's beach birthday party, and a shotgun-shoppin Sunday.

Earthquakes! Protests! Chipotle! What a week, fam. There's people walking around in sweaters and jackets in 95 degree heat. Ilhan Omar might be part of the Brotherhood Of Evil Mutants. I advocate for bipartisan legislation for grown adults in congress to stop referring to their grandparents as the childhood gibberish names they had for them when they were 2. ("tWoO?!") There's 2 astronauts stuck in space, and people somehow give less of a shit about them than they did those billionaires in that submarine. There's a Fresh Prince reboot coming (and it's worse than you could have possibly imagined), my own screenplay...

*Warning,* This week, I'm stretched for material thinner than a regular sized condom on Mr Marcus' cock. I have a neurotic panic about a potential flesh eating bacteria in my face. A whole boatload of Chipotle Incompetence™, and more shoe drama. I met Vinnie Friday night and had too many margaritas, then paid the price for it the next day. I missed the Boogie Nights screening, but got a lot of writing done. Harrison Ford talked shit about the (probably) pile of shit new Black-tain America movie coming out. I was so desperate for content I even talk about Ha...

The remainder of my Buffalo trip, and a visit to my brother's compound. I went to see Deadpool 3 so that you don't have to. 

You have to take out a mortgage on your house now to get a haircut in Los Angeles. I saw Apocalypse Now in 70mm, and it was quite an experience. I flew to Buffalo and did things, I'm here right now. Why does Hollywood want us to like Glen Powell so much? Beerwolf wrote one of my favorite songs. 

My assessment and analysis of the attempted Trump assassination. I attempt to focus on the macro aspects of how & why this happened, but end up coming off generally incoherent and mostly rambling. Hopefully this makes some kind of sense to someone, but either way it felt good to rant about it like a low key lunatic. I really put the "anal" in analysis.

(If you dont like hearing about politics, just chilllll....til the next episode)

Harrison Ford finally decides to do a Marvel movie. (Good timing, dick head) People with money actually like my dumb movie ideas?? Longlegs review. I also went and saw Wild Bunch AND Far And Away. It's hard for old guys to scream. (Misery Signals, Full Collapse)

Live, from the streets of LA, in my Enterprise cigarette sarcophagus! Fourth of July wrap up. (More like "ju lie about having an interesting podcast") I'm now writing my first TV series! (God help us) Will Haven show at the Teragram, with Dude/Boges. I lament my laborious work week, but I venerate Yardhouse, followed by This Week In Chipotle Incompetence. (There's always a ying to the yang) Longlegs speculation.

The politics of fireworks. 4th of July memories and mammaries. They saved Marilyn Monroe's house. "Look How Cool Luke Is," "industry connections" edition. Satan's sprinkler system, and a guy on a bicycle on the epon..ponomoys 405. Chipotle Incompetence Round Up. Rocha's show at the Ice House, and a whiskey tastin' with T Dog. (Lou's got cancer [CANCER!])

I went to a bar that was streaming the debate live, and I give my thoughts on it. I had like 7 or 8 thoughts, maybe. (Maybe more) I don't really do a political podcast, I just threw this one out as a lark. If you hate politics (dont blame you), skip this mama jamma and I'll see you at episode 455. (Also, in hell)

Passport office, attempt #2. Donald Sutherland died. July is shaping up to be a helluva month, but June Is The Month For Me. (Hourglass)

Id literally rather go to the DMV than get my haircut. (Why dont they cut your hair AT the DMV, let's get some shit done) Waba Grill is deceptively(ish) unhealthy. It's time for federal intervention into Chipotle. (Im generally a "small government" man, but this has gone too far.) A singles soiree with me and Gus 1. A misbegotten outing to see The Godfather on father's day. Liberals finally ruined "The Boys," because they ruin everything. Attempt #2 at a passport. 

Id literally rather go to the DMV than get my haircut. (Why dont they cut your hair AT the DMV, let's get some shit done) Waba Grill is deceptively(ish) unhealthy. It's time for federal intervention into Chipotle. (Im generally a "small government" man, but this has gone too far.) A singles soiree with me and Gus 1. A misbegotten outing to see The Godfather on father's day. Liberals finally ruined "The Boys," because they ruin everything. Attempt #2 at a passport. 

Id literally rather go to the DMV than get my haircut. (Why dont they cut your hair AT the DMV, let's get some shit done) Waba Grill is deceptively(ish) unhealthy. It's time for federal intervention into Chipotle. (Im generally a "small government" man, but this has gone too far.) A singles soiree with me and Gus 1. A misbegotten outing to see The Godfather on father's day. Liberals finally ruined "The Boys," because they ruin everything. Attempt #2 at a passport. 

Industry mixer, and a homeless man absconds with my phone. Adaptation at the Egyptian, and Rob's play Saturday night. Some Like It Hot, and others like parking tickets. Another wonderful haircut from Floyds barbershop. (Which will most likely be bankrupt in 5 years)