Untitled Star Trek Project

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 2, Episode 10. First broadcast on Wednesday 27 November 2002. Stardate: Unknown (2152).

Another astonishingly dull and unambitious week aboard Enterprise, as Hoshi Sato is accidentally transported into a high-concept plot that we’ve seen done better half a dozen times in the last fifteen years. Things liven up slightly ten minutes from the end, when we are treated to the dumbest line of dialogue in the history of the franchise.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 4, Episodes 1–2. First broadcast on Monday 2 October 1995. Stardate: 49011.4.

This week, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine starts again — with a second pilot episode two and a half years after the first one. It’s The Best of Both Worlds, but much faster, funnier and more confident. And this is only the beginning. Again.

Star Trek Movie #5. Release date: 1989

The quintessential odd-numbered Star Trek film, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier roared onto our screens in 1989, delighting and enthralling basically no one at all. Still, despite the glacial pace, the lack of incident and the horrendous special effects, it has something to say — something about the love and friendship between weird and grumpy old men who have known and annoyed one another for decades. And if you’ve got that, who needs Sha Ka Ree?

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 6, Episode 14. First broadcast on Wednesday 2 February 2000. Stardate: Unknown (2376).

Tom, Harry, Neelix and Chakotay somehow return from a space mission with PTSD — and with memories of an armed conflict which might not even be theirs. All this goes just about as well as you’d expect, with inexplicable flashbacks, studio sets pretending to be outdoor locations, some odd gurning by Ethan, and some characteristically unpleasant shouting from the Worst Robert. But in spite of it all, there’s a point to be made, and some last-act location work lifts the whole thing considerably.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 3, Episode 26 / Series 4, Episode 1. First broadcast on Monday 18 June 1990 and Monday 24 September 1990. Stardate: 43989.1.

This week, a seminal moment in the history of television appears to be taking place at 0.5× speed.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 2, Episode 18. First broadcast on Monday 22 May 1989. Stardate: 42823.2.

“Terrible beyond terrible.”

“Here lies a colossal mess of a show, mixing serious (albeit unrealized) science fiction with broad, less-than-funny comedy.”

“Sometimes you just have to bow to the absurd.”

“That was fun.”

“Yeah, I thought that was great.”

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 6, Episode 11. First broadcast on Saturday 3 January 1998. Stardate: 51408.6.

This week on Deep Space Nine, Dukat (Kathy Bates) and Sisko (James Caan) crash land on one of Star Trek’s less convincing standing sets, and then have a proper talk about their Feelings and Values. (Antipathy, and for one of them, Racism.)

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 1, Episode 20. First broadcast on Wednesday 3 April 2002. Stardate: Unknown (2151).

This week in Star Trek: Slow-Witted White Men, no one turns into a salamander, gets trapped in a board game or has sex with a ghost. In fact, no one does much of anything at all — at least not anything that anyone will remember 23 years later.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 4, Episode 16. First broadcast on Wednesday 18 February 1998. Stardate: 51652.3.

This week, we are properly introduced to Voyager’s latest Intransigent Alien Antagonist, in preparation for a thrilling two-part epic in a couple of weeks’ time. And things go pretty well, on the whole, despite (or perhaps because of) some interpersonal conflict between two important cast members and their characters.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 1, Episode 3. First broadcast on Monday 5 October 1987. Stardate: 41209.2.

An unexpected but not unprecedented miracle turns water into booze on board the Enterprise-D, and soon the entire crew is horny, depressed, or facing an awkward meeting with HR on Monday. After all this, Joe can’t see how this show becomes a hit, but Nathan thinks he can. Bottoms up, everyone!

Star Trek: The Original Series, Series 1, Episode 18. First broadcast on Thursday 19 January 1967. Stardate: 3045.6.

Gornfest 2025 continues this week on Untitled Star Trek Project, as we head back to 1967 — when the Gorn were just a single rubber lizard in a spangly minidress and the Federation was barely a glint in Gene L. Coon’s eye. Iconic, memorable and visually striking — this is why nerds still podcast about the show 58½ years later.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, Series 2, Episode 10 / Series 3, Episode 1. First broadcast on Thursday 10 August 2023. Stardate: 2344.2.

This week, Strange New Worlds asks the question, “What if The Best of Both Worlds, but with higher production values, more modern narrative techniques, and much better hair?” The answer might surprise you.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 7, Episode 13. First broadcast on Wednesday 10 February 1999. Stardate: Unknown (2375).

It’s the 1990s — the era of the Consulting Psychopath — and so when a pretty young lieutenant is shot dead in his locked quarters, perky newcomer Ezri Dax decides to investigate — with the help of her crap-haired and murderous previous host Joran. It’s all very light and implausible, but we get a few laughs, Ezri gets a big gun, and the regular cast (except Cirroc) get their usual DS9-style character beats.

Star Trek: Discovery, Series 1, Episode 3. First broadcast on Sunday 1 October 2017. Stardate: Unknown (2256).

This week, disgraced Starfleet officer Michael Burnham falls down the rabbit hole, where she finds an unsettling mirror image of her previous life: a crew regarding her with suspicion, a captain manipulating her with falsehoods, and a Starfleet obsessed with operational security. And then the slavering monster shows up.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 2, Episode 8. First broadcast on Friday 13 October 1995. Stardate: Unknown (2372).

This week, Voyager is beset by a bunch of crazy Star Trek crap — involving china cups, sandwiches and curly-headed moppets, for the most part — but after 45 minutes we still have no idea why it happens or how we should feel about any of it. Still, Kate is awesome, as usual, and that counts for quite a lot.

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 4, Episode 13. First broadcast on Friday 4 February 2005. Stardate: Unknown (2154).

This week, the middle episode of a mid-range arc in the middest of all the shows in the Star Trek franchise. Trip and Malcolm are trapped in various rooms pressing buttons, while the Tellarites and Andorians are on their usual space alien bullshit. Harmless.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, Series 2, Episode 9. First broadcast on Thursday 3 August 2023. Stardate: 2398.3.

Strange New Worlds jumps genres this week to create something hitherto inconceivable in Star Trek: a high-stakes space problem that can only be solved with a massive, heartfelt musical finale.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 6, Episode 7. First broadcast on Wednesday 10 November 1999. Stardate: 53167.9.

This week, the crew of the USS Voyager awaken an ancient evil and unleash it upon the Delta Quadrant: the Vaadwaur, a phantom army that appears out of thin air, destroys entire colonies, and vanishes in the blink of an eye — but whose soldiers’ physiognomy is such that few men can find them afterwards.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 4, Episode 23. First broadcast on Monday 13 May 1996. Stardate: 49904.2.

There’s a get-to-know-you buffet at 1930 this week, as the crew of the Defiant team up with the Jem’Hadar to fight some Jem’Hadar rebels who want to take over the Galaxy. And, surprisingly late in the series, we get the first appearance of Jeffrey Combs as Weyoun.

Star Trek: Picard, Series 2, Episode 6. First broadcast on Thursday 7 April 2022. Stardate: Unknown (12–13 April 2024).

This week: a party. The crew of La Sirena turn up at a lavish black-tie gala for some top-quality character work, only to be overshadowed by an incredible musical number by Alison Pill and a lovely scene of kindly encouragement from Patrick Stewart. But then they find themselves overshadowed, in turn, by the ineffable hotness of Santiago Cabrera.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 1, Episode 17. First broadcast on Sunday 23 May 1993. Stardate: 46925.1.

Three plots for the price of one this week on Deep Space Nine. In reverse order of importance: (C) we all stand around in Ops talking about the computer; (B) Julian gets some funny lines and a pleasantly unsurprising character arc; and (A) Odo and Lwaxana are trapped in a lift together with nothing to do but some amazing and even quite moving acting. Underrated, but mostly by people who don’t enjoy things that are good.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 6, Episode 15. First broadcast on Monday 15 February 1993. Stardate: Unknown (2369).

When Q first turned up on the Enterprise bridge in 1987, he came to teach all of humanity a lesson about its terrible past. But this week his mission is more personal: to teach Picard how much he owes his young, undisciplined self, and to remind us that youth is silly and difficult, and that the people living through it deserve our respect.

(On that topic, if you wish to see the inspiration for Joe’s preferred 1990s hairstyle, you should check ou...

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 6, Episode 5. First broadcast on Wednesday 20 October 1999. Stardate: Unknown (2376).

Sometimes everything just comes together — a dull script, routine design, a generic score, perfunctory direction, an uncharismatic leading man and a guest star’s strange and flaccid performance. Meanwhile, on Star Trek: Voyager, Tom screams at his long-suffering girlfriend after falling in love with a car or something.

Star Trek: Lower Decks, Series 5, Episode 10. First broadcast on Thursday 19 December 2024. Stardate: Unknown.

This week, we witness the ascension of Star Trek: Lower Decks, as it finishes its run on television and becomes a show fuelled by interdimensionality itself — decoupling its superpositions and spriralling off into an infinite number of unseen quantum possibilities. It’s funny and heartwarming and visually arresting, of course, and we can’t imagine what life would be like without it. Engage the core!

Star Trek: Lower Decks, Series 5, Episode 7. First broadcast on Thursday 28 November 2024. Stardate: 59499.6.

This week, Tendi and T’Lyn learn the usual Star Trek lesson about co-operation and competition, Boimler and Rutherford learn that Starfleet uniforms are less absorbent than is sometimes necessary, and Mariner learns that the real Inner Light experience comes from the friends (and murderers) we meet along the way. And Data shows up too, is just as delightful and wise as we always expect him to be.

Star Trek: The Original Series, Series 3, Episode 12. First broadcast on Friday 6 December 1968. Stardate: 5121.5.

A series of urgent production catastrophes this week, as we arrive at Paramount Studios with no set, no lines for our female guest star, and a script with no story and no plot. Can these omnipotent bum-headed aliens help us out?

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 4, Episode 21. First broadcast on Monday 29 April 1991. Stardate: 44769.2.

This week, Jean Simmons strides imperiously onto the Enterprise bridge, accompanied by her executive assistant, her scary stenographer, her daddy issues, and a terrifying sense of self-righteous rage. Unmissable.

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 3, Episode 23. First broadcast on Wednesday 19 May 2004. Stardate: Unknown (2154).

It’s the second last episode of the Xindi arc, which can only mean one thing: a big, dumb spectacle in which we’re all trying to prevent a bunch of lizards wearing slinkies from hurling a massive lethal wiffle ball into planet Earth. Fortunately, Connor, Jolene and Billingsley are here with some acting for us to enjoy as well.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 6, Episode 7. First broadcast on Friday 10 October 1997. Stardate: 51247.5.

This week, Worf and Jadzia celebrate the triumphant 150th episode of Untitled Star Trek Project by setting a date for their wedding, holding one fun party and one excruciating one, punching a future mother-in-law in the face, calling off the wedding, calling it back on again, and having sex with that handsome young lieutenant from the USS Sutherland. Or was that last one just us?

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 1, Episode 26. First broadcast on Monday 16 May 1988. Stardate: 41986.0.

This week, Joe and Nathan are woken from 380 years of cryosleep to discover that the world has changed forever: the ship’s captain isn’t friendly and welcoming like Captain Stubing, some of their ports of call have been scooped in their entirety off the surface of the planet, and those people in that scary green cruise ship over there look very unfriendly indeed.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 1, Episode 16. First broadcast on Monday 22 May 1995. Stardate: 48846.5.

Two B-plots on Star Trek: Voyager this week, each one more forgettable than the other. In the A B-plot, Tuvok is unreasonably mean to four obnoxious misfits, while the B B-plot is somehow about cheese.

Star Trek: Discovery, Series 2, Episodes 13–14. First broadcast on Thursday 11 April 2019 and Thursday 18 April 2019. Stardate: 1050.8.

The whole of Discovery Series 2 has been leading to this: a baffling and possibly ill-advised decision to catapult the show 930 years into the future. (Spoiler: it turns out better than we could have dared to imagine.) On the way though, we get to experience breathtaking CGI, some vertiginous camerawork, and more heartfelt and prolonged emotion than the entire history of the franchise to date.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 5, Episode 6. First broadcast on Monday 28 October 1991. Stardate: 45208.2.

This week, it’s The One Where the Entire Crew is Taken over by an Orgasmatronic Video Game. Oh, and Wesley’s back as well. It’s Star Trek, at the very top of its (don’t say it) Game.

Star Trek: Lower Decks, Series 5, Episode 2. First broadcast on Thursday 24 October 2024. Stardate: 59376.9.

Everyone learns a valuable lesson this week: Boimler learns about the perks and perils of being the fun boss, Tendi learns what it takes to be a kick-ass swashbuckling aunt, and T’Lyn learns why, how and how much Rutherford and Tendi love each other. Even the gardener bot gets a little arc. (Good for him.)

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 6, Episode 25. First broadcast on Wednesday 17 May 2000. Stardate: Unknown (2376).

This week, Star Trek remembers that its two most important jobs are scaring children and giving us hope for the future. It doesn’t do either of these particularly well in The Haunting of Deck Twelve, but the whole thing is fun and confident enough to entertain us for forty-five minutes. And sometimes that’s enough.

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 2, Episode 3. First broadcast on Wednesday 2 October 2002. Stardate: Unknown (2152).

A change of pace for Star Trek this week, as the writers of Enterprise decide to explore the rightly-neglected relationship between Captain Archer and his completely featureless Armory Officer, Malcolm Reed. As so often happens, people get strapped to a bomb, Romulans utter muscular threats, and the most interesting members of the crew are completely sidelined.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 6, Episode 24. First broadcast on Wednesday 20 May 1998. Stardate: Unknown (2374).

This week, Miles and Keiko struggle to work out how to react when their daughter ruins a perfectly pleasant family picnic by plummeting accidentally into an high-concept science fiction premise. Meanwhile, back on the station, their son falls foul of a sudden sitcom outbreak, banging his head on a table in what seems, in context, to be a comparatively sensible and comprehensible accident. It’s all a lot of nonsense, of course, but the people are nice, and everything turns out for the be...

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 3, Episode 4. First broadcast on Monday 16 October 1989. Stardate: 43173.5.

– You see, my people once lived in caves. And then we learned to build huts and, in time, to build ships like this one.
– Perhaps one day, my people will travel above the skies.
– Of that, I have absolutely no doubt.

Top-tier Star Trek this week, as The Next Generation belatedly hits its stride, with a well-written, well-acted and well-made story about the beauty and fragility of progress.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 2, Episode 11. First broadcast on Monday 20 November 1995. Stardate: 49208.5.

And Seska is back! Everyone’s favourite Bajoran Maquis Cardassian traitress returns — with a daring plan to unite the Kazon sects, or to destroy Voyager, or to capture Chakotay and collect a couple of teaspoonfuls of his DNA. Ahem. Anyway, at least Joe and Nathan get the chance to reminisce about a version of the show that they enjoyed and that gave the cast plenty of fun stuff to do.

Star Trek: The Original Series, Series 3, Episode 20. First broadcast on Friday 21 February 1969. Stardate: 5832.3.

This week, we learn a valuable lesson previously only known to the most tedious middle-aged people: that young people these days are arrogant, embarassing, and stupid — and also probably communists. Meanwhile, the crew of the Enterprise have all forgotten to remove their “Nixon’s the One!” badges, upsettingly.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 1, Episode 10. First broadcast on Sunday 14 March 1993. Stardate: Unknown (2369).

This week, we travel back to a time in the distant past aboard Deep Space Nine, a time before anyone has worked out how the show should be played, written or directed. There’s some fun to be had, of course, but not from watching this episode.

Star Trek Movie #8. Release date: 1996

After a botched first attempt back in 1994, the Star Trek movie franchise brings back many of the beloved characters from Star Trek: The Next Generation in a thrilling adventure, packed full of action, scares and laughs — as well as some sexy moments with an undead cyborg lizard and an optimistic message about the future of humanity. Five stars, really.

Star Trek: Picard, Series 1, Episode 4. First broadcast on Thursday 13 February 2020. Stardate: Unknown (2399).

It’s been thirty-five years since the Romulans turned up again out of the blue, but now we couldn’t imagine a day without them. And so many of them! Narek and Narissa, two English Romulan Game of Thrones fans who are trying to kill Data’s (remaining) daughter. Zani, a stunningly calm and beautiful Romulan Sincerity Nun. Her ward Elnor, an adorably elfin Romulan Truth Ninja from Melbourne. And a whole angry mob of hot refugee Romulans bearing a justified grudge against Picard for making...

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 5, Episode 20. First broadcast on Monday 21 April 1997. Stardate: Unknown (2373).

Again, the story doesn’t really have a legitimate theme, it’s just More Ferengi Farce, but without any solid laughs. In fact, I’d put “Ferengi Love Songs” on or near the bottom of the Ferengi episode list.

It’s all pretty trivial and unamusing. The only reason this is watchable at all is that Armin Shimerman is so accomplished. Moogie is right – leave your action figures in their original packaging.

It was a show...

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 3, Episode 18. First broadcast on Wednesday 3 March 2004. Stardate: Unknown (2154).

This week, the Xindi and some big-ass lizard guy get to beat the crap out of (a) Enterprise and (b) Captain Archer, respectively. Meanwhile, Nathan and Joe are delighted, not because they’re mean (although they are), but because this is such a thoroughly entertaining hour of Star Trek: Enterprise. Who knew such things could be?

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 4, Episode 17. First broadcast on Saturday 24 February 1996. Stardate: Unknown (2372).

This week, Miles and Julian learn about larping and friendship, Kira learns about clay and the inevitability of authoritarian male religious figures, and we learn about subtext and delightful character development — all thanks to Jane Espenson, who, it turns out, is the real hero of the episode.

Star Trek: The Animated Series, Series 1, Episode 6. First broadcast on Saturday 13 October 1973. Stardate: 5143.3.

This week, crudely-drawn slow-moving simulacra of the Enterprise crew interact listlessly in a crudely-drawn slow-moving simulacrum of Star Trek. Except for the shapeshifting red octopus, which is awesome. Meanwhile, Joe drops £2.50 renting a Star Trek episode whose budget was nearly ten times that, adjusted for inflation.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 6, Episode 3. First broadcast on Monday 5 October 1992. Stardate: 46071.6.

It’s an outstandingly stupid episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation this week, except for the astonishingly brilliant idea of giving Marina fun things to do and a range of fabulously fun things to wear. Actually, let me start that again. It’s an astonishingly brilliant episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation this week,…

Star Trek: Prodigy, Series 1, Episodes 19–20. First broadcast on Thursday 22 December 2022 and Thursday 29 December 2022. Stardate: Unknown (2384).

You may think you need me to get there, but after seeing everything you’ve accomplished, I have full confidence you’ll find your way. Because together your potential is infinite.

Now, go boldly.

This week, the crew of the USS Protostar save the Galaxy in the most selfless and heartwarming way imaginable, in a version of Star Trek that’s complex, enthralling and breathtakingly beautiful.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 6, Episode 20. First broadcast on Wednesday 22 April 1998. Stardate: Unknown (2374).

Fly me to the moon
Let me trek among the stars
Let me taste the cocktails
In some holographic bars
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

Star Trek: Discovery, Series 4, Episode 1. First broadcast on Thursday 18 November 2021. Stardate: Unknown (3190).

The crew of the USS Discovery are really settling down and starting to enjoy their new life in the 32nd century — repairing some butterflies’ GPS network, giving a commencement speech to some socially-distanced Starfleet Academy students, and fixing the unexpected and alarming angular velocity of a Federation space station. Then suddenly an unimaginable tragedy strikes.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 6, Episode 9. First broadcast on Saturday 14 November 1992. Stardate: 46307.2.

Data is excited to get a new puppy and understandably miffed when Riker decides to explode it in order to solve this week’s space problem. Back on Earth, Nathan is delighted by the story’s optimism and sheer nerdery, while Joe remains sceptical.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 2, Episode 18. First broadcast on Monday 19 February 1996. Stardate: 49301.2.

Opinions are split on this week’s Untitled Star Trek Project, with Nathan leading the prosecution and Joe the defence. Will Nathan sentence Death Wish to be imprisoned a comet, subsisting only on a rare form of Nogatch hemlock? Or will Joe prevail with the argument that at least it’s Voyager trying to have something to say and giving John DeLancie a new thing to do?

Star Trek: Lower Decks, Series 3, Episode 7. First broadcast on Thursday 6 October 2022. Stardate: Unknown (2381).

This week, a mathematically perfect recurring villain gets her own episode of Star Trek, and we discover how much fun the show can be without all that relentless moralising, just moments before we also discover how much fun it is to watch a villain get her comeuppance while some dunderheaded bird people shake off the dead shackles of a stupid tradition.

Star Trek: The Original Series, Series 2, Episode 25. First broadcast on Friday 15 March 1968. Stardate: 4040.7.

In hoc episodio, cum nautae astronavis Enterprise ad Urbem Aeternam pervenissent, brevi tempore magister Kirk amicos suos in harena certantes spectavit, passerem garo elixum gustavit, ancillam formosissimam futuit, postremo festinanter discessit. Sed dum navem solvit, cognoscit se testem fuisse novam religionem pacis ac fraternitatis oriri.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 5, Episode 24. First broadcast on Monday 19 May 1997. Stardate: 50901.7.

This week, Deep Space Nine does the best that it can with a slasher horror premise involving four redshirts and some murderous Cardassians, including beloved secondary character, plain, simple Garak. Fortunately, no one suffers any long-term ill-effects — except for the people who are no longer around to complain, I suppose.

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 4, Episodes 18–19. First broadcast on Friday 22 April 2005 and Friday 29 April 2005. Stardate: Unknown (2155).

The finish line is in sight this week for Star Trek: Enterprise, and so it’s time to throw out the rulebook and have some fun for a change, with a preposterous farrago of fan service that remembers at least that one of our most important jobs is to be enjoyable and entertaining. T’Pol starts wearing a miniskirt and Archer drinks some poisoned champagne, and, frankly, we couldn’t possibly be happier.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 3, Episode 13. First broadcast on Monday 5 February 1990. Stardate: 43539.1.

As private parts to the gods are we! They play with us for their sport!

Lord Melchett, Blackadder II: Chains

A defrocked god appears on the bridge of the USS Enterprise and wanders around being much more fun than anyone else aboard. (Apart from Whoopi Goldberg, obviously. And maybe Brent this week.) A solid outing from TNG’s Imperial Phase.

Star Trek: Prodigy, Series 2, Episodes 1–2. First broadcast on Monday 1 July 2024. Stardate: 61859.6.

Star Trek: Prodigy is here for a second season, bringing our crew back together and sending them off on an epic mission aboard the USS Voyager. It’s Star Trek: Voyager as you’ve never seen it before, but it would be cruel of us to say why. (Hint: we both think it’s really good.) Also appearing: the two best Roberts, which is quite exciting.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 3, Episode 8. First broadcast on Monday 14 November 1994. Stardate: 48423.2.

This week, Deep Space Nine serves up a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode, in which a respected female character undertakes an ill-advised heterosexual romance with a creepy and unattractive white guy, which makes her look like an idiot. Meanwhile, over in the B-plot, Quark and Jeffrey Coombs try to get hold of some deepfake celebrity porn of Nana Visitor.

Star Trek: The Animated Series, Series 1, Episode 8. First broadcast on Saturday 27 October 1973. Stardate: 1254.4.

This week, with a budget of dozens of crisp American dollars at their disposal, Joe and Nathan pull out their smocks, palettes, easels and oils in order to bring you a lavishly illustrated story of human creativity and achievement in a 25-minute episode you won’t be embarassed to show your kids. Or not terminally embarrassed, anyway.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 7, Episode 15. First broadcast on Wednesday 14 February 2001. Stardate: 54553.4.

This week we drop into a parallel universe where Voyager’s situation is desperate, resources are constrained, and the crew has no alternative but to live by its principles — helping, making friends, reaching out, forming alliances, working together to solve problems, seeking out new life and new civilisations, that sort of thing. Turns out, it would have made quite a good premise for a Star Trek series.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 1, Episode 14. First broadcast on Monday 25 January 1988. Stardate: 41636.9.

Nothing to learn about gender politics this week as we visit Angel One, where large aggressive women lord it over their twinky male consorts, and Star Trek: The Next Generation finds plenty of exciting new ways to be as offensively sexist as possible. Could someone pass Gene a napkin, please?

Star Trek: The Original Series, Series 1, Episode 25. First broadcast on Thursday 9 March 1967. Stardate: 3196.1.

A terrifying cave monster attacks a bunch of miners in pastel jumpsuits and burns them alive: it must be killed to ensure a continuing supply of raw materials for the engines of capitalism. But then, of course, we reach out, learn that the monster is a person, and thereby discover a terrifying truth about ourselves. A triumph: literally the thing that Star Trek is for.

Star Trek: Lower Decks, Series 3, Episode 1. First broadcast on Thursday 25 August 2022. Stardate: Unknown (2380).

While we wait for the final season of Lower Decks to drop, we head back into the show’s distant past to see how it reintroduces itself to the world at the start of its third season. As you might expect, it’s with love, loyalty, extreme cartoon violence and a few affectionate digs at one of our favourite Star Trek films. And, inevitably, gallons and gallons of alien seminal fluid.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 6, Episode 13. First broadcast on Monday 2 November 1998. Stardate: September 1953.

Some time in 2374, Ben Sisko, tired of helming Deep Space Nine in wartime, considers handing the job over to someone else. At the same time but in 1953, Benny Russell dreams of a version of himself living beyond the daily indignities of existing as a Black man in America. And meanwhile in 1998, people tuning in for this week’s episode of White People Living on the Moon find themselves watching something far better than they had a right to expect.

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 3, Episode 12. First broadcast on Wednesday 14 January 2004. Stardate: Unknown (2153).

This week, untrustworthy foreigners attack and terrorise Enterprise for literally no reason other than the arbitrary tenets of their weird and incorrect religion. There’s a lesson to be learned here, but only if you don’t think too hard about it.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 1, Episode 20. First broadcast on Monday 21 March 1988. Stardate: 41503.7.

Long before the invention of Ronald D Moore, the Klingons were simple souls who enjoyed brownface, poisoning grain, making lists of rules, and planting a bomb on the bridge of the Enterprise. But by 2364, the next generation of Klingons had embraced the wave of liberalism sweeping across the galaxy, all except for a few holdouts who refused to read the series bible and decided they would pass their time yelling and pointing guns at the warp core instead.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 5, Episode 5. First broadcast on Monday 21 October 1991. Stardate: 45156.1.

In this week’s outstanding instalment of Competent People Solving Space Problems, the Enterprise is hit by an unexpected and dangerous premise which separates the crew into five distinct subplots and forces each of them to confront their greatest fears. Deanna contends with yet another fibriform space anomaly, Geordi faces the horrors of a Gilbert and Sullivan patter song, Worf takes on the unlikely and challenging role of midwife, Data finds himself having to leave his genitals in another room, and Picard is trapped in...

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 6, Episode 3. First broadcast on Wednesday 6 October 1999. Stardate: Unknown (2376).

A quick trip to the afterlife this week, as B’Elanna discovers the importance of faith and family, and as Voyager itself discovers (too late, perhaps) the importance of the same things. We also learn that hell is the Voyager sets only lit slightly differently, which is something that we had hitherto only suspected.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 3, Episode 3. First broadcast on Monday 9 October 1989. Stardate: 43152.4.

On the ravaged surface of the Federation colony planet Rana IV, the crew of the USS Enterprise are surprised to discover an excitingly modernist Malibu home set in a lush, quadrilateral garden; after landing on the planet with an away team, Will Riker is surprised to find himself dangling upside down by his ankles; soon after that Deanna Troi is surprised to find herself suffering from an unpleasant and potentially fatal earworm. Meanwhile, back in 1990, Nathan Bottomley and a very young Joe Ford are...

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, Series 1, Episode 9. First broadcast on Thursday 30 June 2022. Stardate: 2510.6.

Of course the people you care about are going to cause you pain. It will hurt, but the love it yields will far outweigh the sorrow. Now, hand me the electron coupler.

In this week’s Strange New Worlds, we watch standard space genre things happen to relaxed and likeable characters. Which, turns out, works incredibly well.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 5, Episode 18. First broadcast on Wednesday 3 March 1999. Stardate: 52586.3.

For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten. (Ecclesiastes 9:5)

This week, like every week, we continue to experience our gradual, humiliating dissolution, to dread our own inevitable deaths, and to consider with dismay the deaths of everyone we have ever known or loved. And so, to cheer ourselves up, we decide to watch an episode of Star Trek: Voyager.

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 4, Episode 22. First broadcast on Friday 13 May 2005. Stardate: Unknown (2161).

This week Enterprise fans get the chance to watch their favourite show with Jonathan and Marina sitting next to them on the couch, which only raises enraging and bewildering questions like Is any of this even real? and Does any of this actually matter? (to which the answers are of course not and if you like, respectively). Meanwhile, Trip is forced to sacrifice himself to ensure that Archer gets the chance to participate in the foundation of the Federation, without which, to be honest, none...

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 3, Episode 16. First broadcast on Monday 20 February 1995. Stardate: Unknown (2371).

Basically nothing happens on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine this week, as Nathan undergoes a religious experience which inspires him to be terribly nice to people for a change, while Joe anticipates failing to win a major podcasting award. Still, sometimes it’s just nice to hang out with the people you love, isn’t it?

Star Trek: The Animated Series, Series 2, Episode 6. First broadcast on Saturday 12 October 1974. Stardate: 6770.3.

A return to the realm of cheap Saturday-morning-cartoon Trek, where the only person apparently putting in any effort is Master of Dialect, Jimmy Doohan. This week, we find ourselves in a universe where space is white, stars are black, people age backwards, women give birth to large old men, and the Enterprise crew are listless, lifeless and dull.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 1, Episode 23. First broadcast on Monday 25 April 1988. Stardate: 41601.3.

This week, we watch an dreadful hour of Star Trek — cheap, mawkish and absolutely absurd — but we end up enjoying ourselves enormously. Have we found a fatal flaw at the entire heart of the Untitled Star Trek Project?

Star Trek: The Original Series, Series 2, Episode 13. First broadcast on Friday 15 December 1967. Stardate: 3619.2.

A few tense moments this week, as a fragrant dikironium vampire kills a bunch of redshirts before threatening some characters with names and ultimately the Enterprise itself. But the real suspense comes from an entirely different direction: Will this episode teeter over the edge of camp into baffling semicompetence? Will Kirk’s obsession turn him from a jovial and beloved authority figure into a massive idiot? Will any cue from the Star Trek music library go unused? (No, no and no, fortunately.)

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 7, Episode 22. First broadcast on Wednesday 12 May 1999. Stardate: Unknown (2375).

It’s four weeks until the Deep Space Nine finale, and so it’s time for a momentous and operatic episode, an episode full of subtext and thoughtful performances, and an episode that deals a killing blow to two crumbling empires and changes the status quo forever. In short: an episode that exemplifies everything that makes us love Deep Space Nine.

Star Trek: Short Treks, Series 2, Episode 2. First broadcast on Thursday 10 October 2019. Stardate: 1421.9.

Captain Lynne Lucero (Rosa Salazar) can’t wait to take command of the USS Cabot as it heads off to the Klingon border to save some settlers from a planetary famine. But that’s before she meets walking HR disaster Edward Larkin (H. Jon Benjamin) and his viviparous and prolific sidekick (Tribleustes ventricosus). Hijinks, as usual, ensue.

Star Trek: Discovery, Series 4, Episode 8. First broadcast on Thursday 10 February 2022. Stardate: Unknown (3190).

This week, but in the thirty-second century, two people face each other across a poker table. The man’s unbearable loss has made him resolute, and the woman remains resolute despite the loss she is about to suffer. And somewhere far away, in a distant, isolated, unreasonable space at the very edge of the Galaxy, Something — implacable? incomprehensible? — is waiting to judge what they do next.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 5, Episode 9. First broadcast on Monday 18 November 1991. Stardate: 45349.1.

The absence of Robin Williams and the presence of Rick Berman are both keenly felt this week, as a normal day at the office for the Enterprise-D becomes merely a mildly diverting day at the office. The cause: an elegantly named time-travelling confidence trickster, who nicks a bunch of stuff so he can put it on eBay and pretends that everything here is much more thrilling than it actually is. Let’s say three-and-a-half stars, but two of those stars are for Marina Sirtis’s pe...

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 4, Episode 21. First broadcast on Monday 29 April 1996. Stardate: Unknown (2372).

This week, we discover to our surprise that there’s a lot to enjoy in a flawed and ultimately unsuccessful episode episode of Deep Space Nine — two wonderful guest actresses, some (largely) cringe-free sexiness, and a mature and gentle romance. Meanwhile, some TV writers imagine a just reward for their life of constant backbreaking labour.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 1, Episode 14. First broadcast on Monday 8 May 1995. Stardate: 48784.2.

As a result of a horrific medical experiment, this week’s episode of Untitled Star Trek Project finds itself split into two irreconcilable parts — one convinced that this Voyager episode is extremely dull, and the other one certain that there’s nothing very interesting going on here. Apart from that, there’s a bit of a scary moment at one point, and Roxann gets to do some acting, which is nice.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 7, Episode 6. First broadcast on Wednesday 4 November 1998. Stardate: Unknown (2375).

It’s all about faith this week on Deep Space Nine — Weyoun’s faith in Odo and the Founders, Nog’s faith that the genre rules of the comedy B-plot will lead inevitably to a happy ending, and the writers’ faith that wonderful, charming actors like Aron and René can make it all land from underneath a kilogram of latex.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 4, Episode 7. First broadcast on Monday 5 November 1990. Stardate: 44246.3.

After just over a season of reliable and competent, this week, Star Trek: The Next Generation goes for dramatic and surprising — with amazing results: a memorable epsiode full of good performances and the sort of direction that lets those performances shine. One of the best.

Star Trek: Picard, Series 3, Episode 4. First broadcast on Thursday 9 March 2023. Stardate: 78183.1.

This week, an episode of Star Trek: Picard makes a compelling case for the existence of 21st century Trek, as familiar and well-loved characters find themselves in a show with dramatic lighting, beautiful special effects and witty and clever dialogue. But even more than that, they learn that no matter how bleak or unwinnable a situation, as long as you and your crew remain steadfast in your dedication, one to another, you are never ever without hope. Or giant squid.

Star Trek Movie #4. Release date: 1986

This week, Star Trek makes a triumphant return to form, as we are joined by Tom Salinsky to watch the 1986 film Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, in which the crew of the Enterprise meet their match, as they confront the most terrifying alien species of all time — Americans from the 1980s.

Here’s a link to Tom Salinsky’s Trekaday blog, which is currently heading towards the end of Star Trek: Enterprise. You can also pre-order his upcoming book on Star Trek from Amazon UK.

Star Trek: The Original Series, Series 3, Episode 14. First broadcast on Friday 3 January 1969. Stardate: 5718.3.

A Very Important episode of Star Trek: The Original Series this week, in which we tackle the Serious Issue of Mental Illness, a Terrifying Social Problem which causes ordinary people to conceive an Unquenchable Desire to Take over the Entire Galaxy and to Use Capital Letters Unnecessarily. Fortunately, it can be cured by a Simple Intravenous Injection, which seems to have started working almost immediately. So, no harm done really. Except to this episode’s guest woman, who is dead.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 2, Episode 15. First broadcast on Monday 29 January 1996. Stardate: 49373.4.

– Guess who I get to meet today. The Creator of Fair Haven, Captain Proton himself: Lieutenant Tom Paris!

– No way! That’s awesome! Is he still a salamander?

– No, that’s not… It was a celerity-induced accelerated somatic mutation rate, and he’s fine now. He was the first human to break the transwarp barrier, and today, he’s on the Cerritos!

When I first read that script, I couldn’t believe they were goin...

Star Trek: Lower Decks, Series 1, Episode 9. First broadcast on Thursday 1 October 2020. Stardate: Unknown (2380).

This week, Joe and Nathan work on their most pressing psychological problems by smashing the ship’s counsellor’s favourite bonsai, storming off to the holodeck, making fun of the Star Trek movie series, and playing the most violent (and possibly racist) video game in the history of the franchise. Everything turns out for the best, though, because good friends forgive, and they’ll always have time to hang out and admire the warp core.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 6, Episode 22. First broadcast on Wednesday 26 April 2000. Stardate: 53918.0.

These stories will continue for as long as we have the breath to tell them. And as long as our patrons remain wise and compassionate. And Voyager will continue on her journey to the gleaming cities of Earth, where peace reigns and hatred has no home.

Enjoyable. And unexpectedly beautiful at times. Much like Star Trek, really.

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 4, Episode 9. First broadcast on Friday 3 December 2004. Stardate: Unknown (2154).

A new experience for Joe and Nathan this week, as they enjoy an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise without irony or reservations. The Vulcans have been behaving oddly for three and a half years, for some reason, but this week, they decide to be normal again, for a dumb reason. But in spite of all that, there’s a lot of fun to be had here.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 2, Episode 25. First broadcast on Monday 13 May 1996. Stardate: 49690.1.

Nathan, Joe, Kathryn and the Medium Robert are all enjoying themselves this week in a genuinely entertaining Star Trek romance spoiled only by the untimely and unwelcome intrusion of Star Trek: Voyager itself at the very end of the episode. Hey ho.

Star Trek: The Original Series, Series 1, Episode 16. First broadcast on Thursday 5 January 1967. Stardate: 2821.5.

When a metal box containing seven strange creatures lands outside his village, gentle giant Oleg (Buck Maffei) leaves a pregnant wife and an ailing mother in his humble yurt and trudges off to present the creatures with his people’s traditional gift of welcome — a set of giant novelty spears. This simple act of hospitality is met with violence, and soon matters escalate despite Oleg’s repeated attempts to appease the newcomers’ anger — giving one an affectionate hug, offering the others his precious polystyrene boulder, an...

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 5, Episode 26 / Series 6, Episode 1. First broadcast on Wednesday 26 May 1999. Stardate: Unknown (2375, 2376).

Moral dilemmas abound in this week’s season finale of Star Trek: Voyager. Is it permissible to kill a bunch of people if you miss your bus home? Is it permissible to shoot Slimer from Ghostbusters in the face if he’s intent on drinking all of your precious bodily fluids? Is it permissible to torture Rick Worthy if you’re having a really bad day? And it is obligatory to endow the characters in your Star Trek show with clear and consistent motiva...

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 3, Episode 8. First broadcast on Monday 13 November 1989. Stardate: 43385.6.

Comfort food this week, as Star Trek: The Next Generation tries and fails to create a romantic comedy about an exciting new space wormhole. Deanna learns a valuable lesson about the dangers of enjoying herself, some Ferengi learn an urgent lesson about paying attention to their GPS, and the rest of us learn a timely lesson about straight, white American men in the late 1980s. We still have fun though.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 6, Episode 2. First broadcast on Monday 6 October 1997. Stardate: Unknown (2374).

Star Trek goes outside this week, for a top-tier episode in which Sisko and Kira are both confronted by radical integrity and self-sacrifice in the face of overwhelming opposition. Solid and memorable.

Star Trek: Discovery, Series 2, Episode 8. First broadcast on Thursday 7 March 2019. Stardate: 1532.9.

The second season of Star Trek: Discovery comes to a climax as Spock commemorates Star Trek’s first pilot by taking Michael to Talos IV so that they can both stand around a bunch of singing flowers, weepily recounting their formative childhood traumas. Meanwhile, Paul and Hugh are not the first people to experience difficulties maintaining a romantic relationship after one partner has died. Anyway, Nathan has fun, even if no one else does.

Star Trek: The Original Series, Series 2, Episode 26. First broadcast on Friday 29 March 1968. Stardate: Unknown (1968).

It’s the pilot of a thrilling new spy-fi series, in which Gary Seven (Robert Lansing), his plucky secretary Miss Lincoln (Teri Garr), and his cat Isis (herself) hang out in the twentieth century’s most stylish decade, drinking cocktails after lunch and occasionally foiling America’s military–industrial complex. Is it time for us to end our trek through the stars so that we can complete an assignment here on earth?