Greatest Trek: New Star Trek Reviewed

When the plague has to wait for some mandatory quasar research, the Suburban of shuttles is launched only to crash with seven crew members aboard. But after they leave the shuttle and get attacked by big foots and oversized spears, Spock’s final act of desperation leads to a redemption of his leadership style. Where is help never far away? What’s the difference between TOS and TNG shuttles? Who is so Bosch? It’s the episode that makes Disco shuttles look more accurate.

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When everyone but Spock is exhausted from their space adventures, a shore leave planet starts gaslighting them about some dangerous illusions. But after no one can find the glade and the landing party gets stranded, a Caretaker appears and explains the amusement planet’s safety precautions. How do you know if you can do a bit on your boss? Who is a little like Bruce Wayne but not really? What does Captain Kirk’s snake tattoo say? It’s the episode that approaches the uncanny valley from the opposite precipice with a glade in between.

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When some cloaked Romulans interrupt Space-Church, Kirk feels it necessary to investigate. But when a crew person with a bad attitude harshens the bridge’s vibe it’s time to follow a comet and learn some Vulcan history. Will Spock remember this Romulan? How many people does it take to fire a missile? Where’s the stained-glass window? It’s the episode that feels like a submarine, but lives like a warbird.

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When the Entrepreneur gets off course with a theatre troupe, the real reason for the diversion is the lead actor might be Trogdor. But after the last remaining witnesses are eliminated one by one, Captain Kirk’s interest in the young daughter of Karidian ends in another theatrical tragedy. When do you get “the executioner” added to your name? How many colony survivors are rocking full face? Who might sneak into a Sesame Street impression? It’s the episode that introduces a new first-time segment!

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When the Menagerie arc winds down, a Mug Draft winner rises. But after losing the Mug Draft, a shocking realization threatens to change how we feel about this competition forever. What’s the title of Ben’s new documentary? Which mug is the Michael B. Jordan here? Do you want the winning mug for yourself? It’s the episode that both loves and hates this shit.

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When a private sub-space message is “delivered” to the Enterprise, Kirk and Co. make their way to Star Base 11. But when Spock takes this opportunity to abduct captain Pike and the ship, there’s no TAL-ing what can happen. Is this Spock from an alternate Trek timeline? Will Bones address the elephant on the bridge? Can Pike scratch that itch? It’s the episode that doesn’t say “fire” but leaves its finger on the button.

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When Kirk and co. stumble upon an unavoidable-glowing-cube-boi they get stuck in an awkward spot. But when Balok toys with the way The Enterprise normally handles new encounters, it’s time to see what the alien looks like and escape the tractor beam. Is Spock too cool for school? What’s that big ear-spring? Have Halloween decorations improved? It’s the episode that gives you a Howard over the wrong frequency!

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When a cargo exchange with a penal colony puts a clever escapee aboard the Entrepreneur, Bones is suspicious of the famous Doctor Adams and pressures Captain Kirk to investigate. But after beaming down with Dr. Noel and jumping into the lobotomy recliner himself, Kirk resists interrogation and Adams learns exactly why his treatment is a failure. What’s the best way to avoid a workplace accident? Which word is particularly remarkable in an Australian accent? How does a photocopier need to be cleaned? It’s the episode with a very dangerous dimple.

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When the Entrepreneur receives an SOS from an exact copy of Earth, the only question that interests the crew is whether anyone might still be alive. But after the away team kills a zombie and meets some kids who are hundreds of years old, they become infected and have to work out a cure to make it out of quarantine in time. Is there a correct number of mugs? How does a flat Earth captain orbit a planet? What could be considered assault on a playground in Los Feliz? It’s the episode where years of experience doesn’t make...

When the Entrepreneur arrives at Dr. Korby’s last known location, Nurse Chapel is on speakerphone when he calls up Captain Kirk. But after they beam down to meet his new “friends” and lose two crew members in the caves, Dr. Korby shorts out on love and wipes the slate clean on his mechanistic culture. Which sport is really disgusting? What new square won’t be added to the game of buttholes? How are dishwashers shaped on Exo 3?  It’s the episode that imagines a future of rope chairs.

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When Kirk & Co. pick up an untrustworthy businessman named Harvey Mudd and his women associates, the men on the Enterprise are overtaken by a spell. But when Mudd turns out to be making deals behind Kirk’s back, it’s finally time to pry off this annoying barnacle. Will Kirk be able to withstand the spell? How much slink can you get in one episode? What’s with the groovy Spock? It’s the episode Big Rod wrote after watching a Nancy Sinatra music video!

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When a transporter malfunction strands an away team on a freezing planet, it also creates evil duplicates of Captain Kirk and a weird dog. But after naughty Kirk takes things too far with Yeoman Rand, nice Kirk is convinced to face the fear of recombination. Who is allowed to do father-in-law impressions? What’s the best way to heal an open wound? When would Spock beat Kirk at 3D chess? It’s the episode that’s at the headwaters of a trope.

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When JOE TORMOLEN has an itch he just can't resist, he scratches his way towards starting a full blown pandemic of space madness on the Enterprise. But after Lieutenant Riley takes control of the ship and finds a captive audience for his manosphere podcast, Kirk and Spock set out to find a way to regain command of the Enterprise. Who gets the first neck pinch? When is it appropriate to touch a stranger's love handles? Why even use tricorders? It’s the episode that completely shaves its balls.

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When a visiting psychiatrist and the Captain’s pet get shocked at the edge of the galaxy, their godlike tendencies begin to threaten the ship. But after the perfect amount of tranquilizer gets Mitchell down to Delta Vega, Kirk has to rock his old pal into an early grave. What’s the first thing you should look for at a party? Who plays 3-D checkers? Is there something important that Star Trek has only done once? It’s the episode that measures death on the spectacularness scale!

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When a horny teenage boy comes aboard and starts making dramatic entrances, everyone wants Kirk to play Captain Daddy to help the young slickback with his social skills. But after Charlie gets obsessed with Yeoman Rand and takes control of the ship with his mind, Green Grandpa has to come and take him away to save the Entrepreneur from his powers. Whose Wikipedia page is getting edited this week? Where is HR located on the ship? What could fix Charlie’s whole deal? It’s the episode that only had one size of stretchy pants.

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When a routine medical visit to an Orange Julius planet introduces Star Trek’s first cranky scientist and hot babe duo, a member of the away team dies mysteriously and still the couple’s main priority is getting more salt. But after Nancy is revealed to be a shapeshifter and more crew deaths bring salt bae up to the ship, Dr. McCoy is faced with shooting his long-lost love to save Captain Kirk’s life. How is Greatest Gen like ancient Egypt? Who is a sexual velociraptor in the workplace? What do we have to look forward to with Yeoman...

When in recovery mode after a battle on Rigel VII, Captain Pike and the crew of the Enterprise try to avoid the 18 year-old distress call from the Talos Region. But when Spock interrupts a martini meeting between Pike and Boyce, it’s time to gather a team and Time-Warp again! Will Pike survive the thoughts of Talosians? Will Vina be there if Pike returns? Despite all his rage, is Pike just a rat in a cage? It’s the episode that gives you a beginning, but not before showing you the end!

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When Dr. Korby leads the Entrepreneur to an octahedron on Skygowan, Dr. M’Benga is captured by reanimated Ensign Gamble and Captain Batel feels called to intervene. But after the two captains live an entire life in flash forwards, everyone embraces their destiny and the crew continues on its five-year mission. Which book is Vice Admiral Pasalt looking forward to re-reading? How do you force someone to replace a bed? What’s the best shortcut for an emotionally-heavy moment? It’s the episode that’s not going to recover from the eye trauma.

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When Lieutenant Ortegas crashes on the wrong side of a wormhole, she finds an injured lady Gorns to play chess with and who’s also willing to be big spoon. But after Uhura lies to Pike about a dangerous rescue attempt, La’An ends up shooting Gornette on sight and Ortegas only keeps some of her memories. Where has NuTrek overcorrected? How can a hobo encampment feel instantly more comforting? What don’t you get on any other Star Trek podcast? It’s the episode that solves its issues with either Metrons or ADR.

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When the Entrepreneur is the only ship in range to fix a pre-warp Chernobyl, the away team has to become peak Vulcan and unfortunately they decide not to change back. But after destroying both personal and professional lives, Una gets Doug involved and Spock has to dance La’An’s katra back to reality. What would look great on The Sphere in Vegas? Where does Pike go when he gets kicked out of his quarters? Who has a very short refractory period? It’s the episode that’s brokering peace.

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When Humberto’s documentary turns out to be a hit piece, asking squishy questions about colonialism leads to mostly having security footage. But after the weaponized Jikaru takes to space and can’t be controlled by the Entrepreneur, they grant its final wish in defiance of the Lutani. Who couldn’t be reached for an interview? When is an ECU not threatening? How would Scotty deal with an injured horse? It’s the episode with 9 million sprained ankles.

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When James T. Kirk is super bored as First Officer on the Farragut, his run of bad decisions starts even before a Trogdor attack thrusts him into command. But after Enterprise saves his ass and gets chomped by the scavenger ship instead, now Captain Kirk has to figure out his leadership style in time to set a trap and own the consequences. Who isn’t too old for a one-day pod turn? What will be the actual relics of our civilization? Which character would have been perfect for thruster duty? It’s the episode that’s also powered by aldent...

When Ensign Gamble joins his first dustbuster club, he picks up a grenade and gets an emergency trip back to sicksbay. But after the rest of the team solves the escape room puzzle, Captain Batel goes Gorn on Gamble’s ghost and Pelia opts for maximum drama. What’s the only thing more embarrassing than being a documentary filmmaker? Who got a macaron for going poopoo in the potty? Why didn’t Chapel do bits on blood magic? It’s the episode that adds to the list of going concerns.

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When La’an gets assigned to trash the holodeck during a neutron star mission, Scotty sets her up with a terrible crime to investigate. But after she requests some help and Spock joins the illusion, their lack of weird energy helps her solve the case in time to save the Entrepreneur. Who’s aggressively skating towards an award in this episode? Which character has ‘tism rizz? What needs to be more of a bit? It’s the episode that always nails the Riker maneuver.

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When Captain Batel’s last chance is a rare blossom from inside the restricted zone, Captain Pike and Dr. M’Benga shuttle down to a spooky garden center. But after a Klingon hunting party finds them and they fight off the flora together, only a warrior’s sacrifice can get the away team back to the ship. What’s bound to get old to a ghost? Why do Klingons hate flowers? How is Dr. M’Benga like the Raisin Bran sun? It’s the episode that won’t stand for any beeping chair erasure.

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When Spock plans a grand romantic gesture for Nurse Chapel’s return, he’s surprised to learn their break led to sharing quarters with Dr. Corby. But after a leprechaun bartender spikes Spock's drink, Corby is sent to the proverbial cuck chair. How do you choose the tracklist for the most fucked-up mix tape? What kind of lists are Ben and Adam on? Which is better: snaps or jazz hands? It’s the episode that asks the stripper to sign an NDA.

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When Captain Pike is frozen in his battle armor, the Entrepreneur’s only means of escape is ramming speed. But after dangling on a cliff for almost two years, Captain Batel’s backside undergoes an emergency babality. Why do we remember Valeo Beta V? What does the Gorn feeding chamber not have? How do you know when a name is really back? It’s the episode where the line gets drawn HERE and then also a little further.

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When Ben and Adam let an FoD select a film for them to review, they are unsure what they'll get. But after they learn they'll be covering the third movie in a franchise, which is also a prequel, they slap on some fentanyl patches and do their best to keep quiet. Should you go from jack-off to marionnette or from marionnette to jack-off? What's the best way to destroy a bridge? Are squeakquels rodent specific? It’s the episode that's faced with the insurmountable task of pulling drops from a film with no dialog.

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When the show’s most frequent guest returns for an impromptu job interview, we learn that hope springs eternal and the ideas list for Season 3 just keeps scrolling. But while Ben and Adam enjoy the bitter tannins of the world’s very last Prodigy interview, Waltke finally explains who reins supreme as Prodigy’s Barnus Franks. What would actually cause Murf to explode? Which whale can get it? Where does Waltke go for his technical info? It’s the episode that couldn’t do without a Greatest Trek exclusive.

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When it’s time for the ultimate episode of Prodigy, Wesley is shitting bricks and the Loom is attacking Solum. But after the cadets make it through the wormhole and close the time loop, they’re called back into action to defy Admiral Jellicoe one more time. What’s the contingency plan for a whale on the fritz? Is there an unspoken requirement of being a Starfleet captain? Who‘s the best Academy roommate? It’s the episode with a missing checklist.

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When the cadets split up to counter Asencia’s attack, the mathletes figure out how to make a pretty new wormhole while Dal gets the clock tower rigged for a lightning strike. But after Gwyn faces Asencia to reclaim her heirloom, the Loom shows up to block to the hole back to Tars Lamora. Can a single word can set a boundary? Which ancient symbol is both misunderstood and inspiring? What’s the whole point of Prodigy season2? It’s the episode that uncovers a commercial fishing allegory.

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When Asencia tries to lure Admiral Janeway into a trap, the kids learn the collared murder panther they’re afraid of wants to escape too. But when Dr. Mark plays dress up and civil war breaks out on Solum, the crew is reunited just in time for the finale. How is Star Trek Podcasting like a Pez dispenser? What’s a young man’s game? When will Ben and Adam die permanently? It’s the episode that doesn’t really feel sad about the lonely loomie.

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When the protégés get an undercover mission to Solum, they don’t have Starfleet’s cover if they’re caught snooping around on the surface. But when they meet a pre-bad Asencia and immediately trust her completely, Gwyn’s decision to split up the team throws Wesley’s future calculations off. How is Seattle better than New York City? What does El Salvador have that Rura Penthe doesn’t? Who’s leaving bodies in the rocks? It’s the episode where fastidiousness wins over spite.

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When Voyager A is dead in the water and Protostar is the only ship that can help, Asencia fires a time weapon that pierces the hull and ages Commander Tyssis. But when Zero volunteers to Steve Zahn so they can take out the deathnok ship, Maj’El leads the fighter pilots to victory and Jankom Pog gets Zero some upgrades. How do you know if you’ve got Adam or a Chameloid? What’s the most popular metal band in Italy? Who taught Picard everything he knows? It’s the episode that’s leaning into confusion.

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When Jellico orders Janeway and Chakotay back to Earth, Gwyn gets a call from Solum and Asencia starts attacking. But after the crew splits up and Voyager can’t figure our where to shoot, we finally learn why Wesley hasn’t been helping out lately. What’s Ben’s cigar and whiskey? How did Chakotay work out a winning strategy with Janeway? Which magazine proves that print isn’t dead? It’s the episode that’s filling in the adult blanks.

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When proto-warp cracks the universe’s cocaine mirror, the kids arrive back at Voyager to find a ship shattered into different realities. But when Jamie Lee Janeway and Goatee Chakotay learn about the Loom the hard way, Gwyn and her armband set everything right for a happy reunion. What can we expect out of Prodigy Season 3? When do kids become Steve Zahn appropriate? Where did Maj’El disappear to? It’s the episode that presents the bathtub theory of facial hair.

Warning Buoy: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/i0sSsufdUW0

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When a dustbuster club heads out in search of bosonite, they find scary tribbles that bite and a Klingon scientist to make fun of. But when their missions align and Rok-Tahk’s mistake ends up saving the day, the cadets leave yet another character behind as they set a course back to Voyager A. What’s not even wrong with Ben this time? How many lies does it take to make a web? Where does a Star Trek podcaster keep their joke Derringer? It’s the episode that’s nostalgic for hose.

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When Chakotay and the cadets decide to A-Team the Protostar, they sail it towards a dangerous storm to collect the deuterium they need to go fast. But when Dal fails on ship-steering duty and starts to question his future, Chakotay encourages him to explore a different career path that sends them both overboard. Who thinks a lot about the Shinzon Incident? How is this story like an evening in Nashville? Which Prodigy character is David Carradine’s favorite? It’s the episode that’s not having enough fun with chaos Murf.

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When the cadets find themselves marooned with a very grumpy Chakotay, Holo Janeway has to convince him not to let them die outside. But when the kids start to gain his trust and Dal goes missing, the search and rescue mission turns into a funeral cruise for birdman. What have the scientists stopped making? Why can’t Adreek be buried in a Jewish cemetery? Is there a first rule of ship wreck? It’s the episode that’s only functioning at 40%.

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When the Loom starts attacking Gary Seven’s office, Voyager’s away team beams down to a Tarsem Singh situation. But when Dal brings Maj’El into the quantum equation, Wesley’s calculations open a hole that tank-top Janeway allows the cadets to go through. Which TV show do sick kids need today? Whose phone has been disconnected? What’s both embarrassing and tragic? It’s the episode that’s frozen in primal fear.

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When the kids finally arrive at the coordinates only to find Wesley Crusher instead of the Protostar, there’s no time to answer the many questions he raises. But when he helps them escape the space panthers and takes them to Gary Seven’s apartment, Janeway defies Jellico’s orders and arrives in search of the cadets. What’s the best place to confront LeVar Burton? Who is the reason for the season? Which character has part one promised us? It’s the episode that stands as podcasting’s cautionary tale!

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When Zero’s broken-suit lifestyle leads to a telepathic cold call, the kids agree to a side quest so they can get their Medusan friend all fixed up. But when an impulsive decision to go straight for long green body leads to a thrilling chase through some flowers, Zero ultimately decides to stick with the dance partners that brought them and leave Lobster Fest behind. What’s Star Trek’s version of “are you gonna eat that?” Which mid-market motel chain could ruin Zero’s senses? How did Q convince jacked Wesley to stay in his new body? It’s the episode...

When Jankom Pog clogs up the Infinity, getting to Chakotay’s nebula faster means flying through a Borg conduit. But when they’re pulled out of the green tunnel by a Kazon Maje, Zero’s heroics lead to a broken suit. Who wouldn’t have a problem on Hot Ones? Which script is the USS Infinity’s registry printed in? When is a foosball table like a starship? It’s the episode that could never ride transit backwards.

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When the cadets are on lockdown as the Infinity is being sent to its fiery blue death, programming holo doubles is their only plan for saving the timeline. But when their copies are good enough to cause an identity crisis, the Rok-Tahks work together to figure out who gets to escape on the Infinity. What’s gaining traction in state legislatures? Who is rolling around in her grave? Which movie franchise is not for making sense? It’s the episode that’s uncomfortable with most of the adults on Voyager A. 

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When Admiral Janeway puts the cadets through a kid-style tribunal, the senior officers don’t believe their story and Dr. Mark gets assigned as babysitter. But when Admiral Jellico orders Janeway to destroy the time hole, the kids translate Murf-speak and get a new clue about where to find Chakotay. Who is starting to catch strays on the Uxbridge-Shimoda family of shows? What does Murf refuse to wear in the shower? Which ship’s counselor is the most likely to speak up? It’s the episode where some of the letters are backwards.

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When Gwyn has critically low hit points at the bottom of the Va’Lu’Rah hole, her young father puts her first while she gets a mysterious message directly from the cosmos. But when the kids on the Infinity get a strange message in calculator font, they decide to time travel to find Gwyn before it’s too late to save her. What does “it’s complicated” actually mean? Why can’t anyone get a ride on this show? Which name-brand director deserves a crack at Star Trek? It’s the episode that imagines Rok-Tahk’s coming of age.

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When Dal and the team crash on a wasteland version of Solum, they get imprisoned with Captain Chakotay and try not to mess up the timeline. But when the Protostar leaves Solum with two extra people aboard, Gwyn starts Back To The Futuring at a critical point in the Va'Lu'Rah. What’s the risk of sharing binoculars? Why aren’t there more puffers? Where will you never get a courtesy wave? It’s the episode that‘s way in the pocket of Starfleet pants.

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When Asencia pre-poisoned the well on Solum, Gwyn’s failed attempt at first contact leads her to a younger version of her father. But when Admiral Janeway arrives at the space hole only to hear from a creepy talking orb, a series of loud-mouthed gaffes by Dal results in a capital Dun Dun Dun into the anomaly. What’s the scariest thing humans have ever invented? How would we know if the rest o the universe is completely fucked up? Is the orb holding something in its little hand? It’s the episode that remains divided over whale penises.

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When Janeway calls upon our favorite crew members from the Protostar, they all drop what they're doing to join a new adventure. But when the kids realize the adults are keeping certain information and shuttle bays secret, they hatch a new cockamamie scheme and jump into the Jefferies tubes. Does Rok-Tahk sink or does she swim? How do you actually make money on YouTube? Does the "A" in Voyager-A stand for "ass"? It’s the episode that demands for the release of the Waltke cut.

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When Emperor Georgiou’s backstory doesn’t make her any more redeemable, getting pulled into a Section 31 mission gives her another chance to do the right thing. But when their assignment reveals a relic from her own destructive past, gruesomely killing her childhood boyfriend doesn’t exactly earn her atonement. Was there a code name for this movie during production? What are the mirror universe Borgs like? Why don’t strippers die when they jump off bridges? It’s the episode that just needed its heart to grow two sizes this day.

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When Bill Tilley appears to ask Ben and Adam some hard-hitting questions from the Friends of DeSoto, f/m/k becomes issue one. But after Bill repeatedly crashes his 1987 Plymouth Turismo, the guys start to wonder if they should push him out of the driver’s seat. When will Ben reach terminal levels of Josh? Will there ever be another Borgs storyline? How much of Ben and Adam’s business acumen is bit based? It’s the episode that thinks of Alfred Molina as THE guy from Boogie Nights.

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When the stakes couldn’t be higher for the crew of the Cerritos, Relga shows up and starts serving Star Trek V energy. But when the nearby Schrödinger field creates quantum fuckery on both sides, Malor’s irrigation-based solution turns the angry red hole into a beautiful gateway. Does Relga’s lack of boob window convey something specific about her character? Which words are we no longer comfortable using? What was probably on the whiteboard for this entire series? It’s the episode that also wants to light a mattress on fire.

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When it’s time to check back in with Captain William Boimler, he’s lost his love for hunting quantum fissures and he’s fed up with derivative multiverse characters. But when a two-pip Harry Kim shows up on board the Anaximander, it’s an alternate Mustard Mariner with the engineering skills to save the day. Who enjoyed colonoscopy prep more? When did movie trailers change forever? What’s the name of Starfleet’s official support garment? It’s the episode that’s blowing minds and blowing assholes!

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When everyone on the Cerritos is suffering from main-character syndrome, a day in Captain Freeman’s life starts looking so much worse than just paperwork. But when Ransom tricks some ensigns into cooperating on their assignment, the senior staff have to fight off the Clickets in time for an anniversary dinner in Paris. Whose body is on the bridge between two major gastronomic events? Which ensign has fallen the farthest? Why keep an umbrella in the go-bag? It’s the episode that acts as its own Freeman AND Stevens.

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When an away mission to a pre-warp planet is complicated by a time dilation, Boimler’s beverage-related accident puts the away team in an Inner Light situation. But when Tendi finds a purple Data head and gets him doing voiceover work again, the competition for Chief Science Officer on the Cerritos creates a power-supply arms race on the planet. How often is too often for taquito night? What should makeup departments everywhere make real? Could anything have avoided this type of transporter accident? It’s the episode that loves getting pre-warp in this particular way.

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When another problem ensign gets assigned to the Cerritos, Mariner becomes personally invested in her success aboard the ship. But when tedious diplomacy boils over into an all out shape war, Olly gets her mini redemption arc while Boimler learns the wrong lesson about just being himself. Which November thing is this story a metaphor for? What are employees in the post-scarcity future not as into? Why is it so easy to get a traumatic butt injury? It’s the episode that establishes gloves as canonically Star Trek.

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When the Cerritos has a navigational breakdown in Cetacean Ops, the only option for emergency repairs is a trip to Starbase 80. But when repairs start going in the wrong direction and a supposed curse has the crew licking walls, Mariner starts to see the station in a different light while Captain Freeman gets stuck in the maintenance labyrinth. Which brand of breakfast cereal is kid rejected, mother approved? Who is the exception to no bits on tips? How are The Rio and Starbase 80 related? It’s the episode that asks the hard-hitting questions.

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When Mariner gets sent to Qo’noS to secretly scan season 5’s serialized plotline, she looks up Ma’ah and offers to help him regain his station. But while Boimler uses the letter of the law against the Klingon oversight council, Tendi and Rutherford expose the fraudulent Cloacan tasters aboard the Cerritos to save Dr. Migleemo’s career. Which song has the potential to cause a Peloton injury? How far along is Boimler on Adam’s facial-hair scale? Who should you not take advice about electric fences from? It’s the episode that proves Star Trek’s barrel of blood wine is...

When the Cerritos arrives at a cruise ship in space, the team get assigned pest-control duty while Boimler gets yoinked for a side quest with Ransom. But after Mariner left an uncharacteristic loose thread with Jennifer, her tagging along for one final mission leads to finally having the talk. What’s the main thing you need to be able to do in a casino? Why does the AWOL Admiral resent milking space whales? How long before Boimler runs afoul of Starfleet’s facial-hair policy? It’s the episode that establishes “no bits on ‘ships” as a new rule.

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When the Orions fail to diversify their booty-based economy, Tendi and D’Erika end up in the middle of conflict that really rocks the boat. But when the Orion Pirate Queen proposes a winner-takes-all regatta, Tendi is willing to risk her family’s fortune to play mother to her sister. If not clip show why clip show titled? What type of ghost would Adam be? Are buffalo blasts now canonical Trek? It’s the episode that isn’t very good with roman numerals.

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When the Cerritos gets sent to fill in a space butthole, the ship gets dunked instead and finds a slightly different versions of reality inside. But while Tendi is trying to leave leave pirate culture better than she found it, Rutherford from anotherford Motherford demonstrates how not to handle missing a friend. Which vocal warm-up does Terry Gross use? What does tragedy plus time plus Rishon Uxbridge equal? How long until Greatest Gen covers TAS? It’s the episode that STILL doesn’t sign anything on the porch!

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When a special guest gets to pick this week’s movie, it’s a perfect 80s time capsule with a sad situation on the penumbra of an adventure. But after the Goonies spend a week at the waterpark with Steven Spielberg, a completely different protagonist actually saves the day. What did the 80s contribute to the Commedia dell'arte? Do all Amblin films take place in the same universe? Why doesn’t Astoria have a social safety net? It’s the episode that imagines both its prequel and its sequel.

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When the whole 2001 aftermath has Roy Scheider assuaging his guilt with a wrench, an unexpected offer to join a Russian mission to the Discovery is too tempting for him to pass up. But when he finally gets to space and war breaks out on earth, the two crews have to work together in pursuit of an unambiguously happy ending. Where does Helen Mirren fall on the scale of Russian accents? What’s the creepiest thing you could hear on a huge mostly empty spaceship? Which department has very specific messaging on their inspirational poster? It’s the episode that appr...

When a grieving therapist gets a call from an astronaut, he cancels all of his appointments to go triage the psychological situation. But when he arrives at Solaris and learns firsthand about the visitors, he can’t get on board with killing his dead wife twice. Who wants you to get faded to Bolivian liquor? Which type of sci-fi movie is this? What’s the worst part about a spouse coming back to life? It’s the episode with a case of the Film Festival bends.

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When an emergency medical spaceship receives a distress call, James Spader’s boring deep-space work release job turns into a sexy color-timed adventure. But when the crew’s Captain dies in a freak nude-tube accident, taking over command means defeating the universe’s most basic villain. Who was the luckiest cast member? Why will Ben be a big hit at the senior home? What is this horror movie trying to ruin? It’s the episode that’s notable as an artifact of its time.

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When the guys need to select a second movie for their film festival Adam forgets the one rule he set for himself, no blockbusters, and chooses a T-Rex sized smash hit. But when the special effects start jangling its keys, Ben and Adam are so distracted by shiny jeeps and dinosaurs that they forget all their movie mandates. Is the flutter real? Who said it best, Muldoon or Lecter? Did Jeff Goldblum get to take the excess chest oil home? It’s the episode that has golf time written into its contract. 

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When nobody invited Ben and Adam to program a film festival, they decide to go rouge and put one together themselves. But after Ridley Scott’s sci-fi classic almost gave them both a seizure, they’re more prepared to see the franchise’s latest release at the theater. What isn’t practical to bring aboard the Nostromo? Who can sit with both jocks and nerds in the lunchroom? How does Robert Altman’s Alien differ? It’s the episode that gets value for its mucus!

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When Commander Adama gets pissed at the President, their game of civilization chicken spurs a mutiny in the fleet. But while Starbuck’s side quest reveals exactly who is pregnant, the rest of season one’s interesting questions remain mostly unanswered. What type of fuel do Raptors use? When should you throw away a toaster? Who had the weirdest day? It’s the episode that‘s a little too incurious.

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When Boomer stumbles on an inhabitable planet, President Roslin’s hyper-religious pivot starts raising eyebrows on the Audrey 2. But while Dr. Baltar encourages Boomer to take herself out, Starbuck hatches a plan to blow up the damn basestar. Who was giving long shrift at STLV?  How good could a Mission Log party be? Where are all the song sequels? It’s the episode that identifies the second dumbest genius ever.

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When the Quorum of Twelve doesn’t stick to President Roslin’s meeting agenda, she pulls Dr. Baltar close in order to keep Tom Zarek away. But when a mystery man gets interrogated after bringing a ceramic gun to Rex Manning Day, his death in custody raises questions about about the Tigh’s luxury getaway. Who is not represented at podshop.biz? What does Star Trek Prodigy deserve? Which part of anarchy is kind of neat? It’s the episode that has reached the halfway point!

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When the Audrey 2’s low-fuel light comes on, the fleet sends out Raptors to search for tylium ore. But when they find a Cylon base in the way of their objective, Starbuck learns how to delegate so Apollo can carefully blow up the damn refinery. Does Assistant Cousin Greg have a last name? Who has the reddest shirt on Battlestar Galactica? What’s one good thing about Elosha’s job? It’s the episode that’s going full barn!

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When Dr. Baltar finally produces his Cylon detector, suspicion at the top delays the first set of test results. But when a surprise reunion pushes Colonel Tigh off the wagon, an unexpected new element sours the comedy broth. What’s not very practical aboard the Audrey 2? Does this story propose a new reason to keep #datgap? Has Ben reached his Baltar saturation point? It’s the episode that’s not kink shaming anyone.

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When the fleet catches a Leoben on the Gemenon Traveler, Starbuck gets assigned to interrogate him with an extremely specific bucket. But after President Roslin wakes up wet from one too many NyQil dreams, she hears Leoben out before returning to Commander Adama’s position. What doesn’t belong on a postage stamp? Where did H.R. Giger get all his ideas? Who definitely deserves a swirly? It’s the episode that’s fucking with us like the Cylons are fucking with humans.

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When a Number Six shows up on Audrey 2, she provides Dr. Amarak’s prescribed evidence that Dr. Baltar blew up the defense mainframe. But when Lieutenant Gaeta gets assigned to Project Magnify and Enhance, a desperate conversion to monotheism starts Gaius on both a redemption arc and a new method of Cylon detection. How does Boxey like his PB&J sandwiches? What has Grace Park never had on this show? Which unnerving reality still exists in bathrooms of the future? It’s the episode that imagines even more octagonal possibilities.

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When a Doral sneaks aboard the Audrey 2, he sets off a public-relations bomb that gives Sergeant Hadrian a free hand. But even though the Chief and Boomer don’t have an alibi, the investigation reveals a flight deck crew that’s pretty terrible at cover-ups. What’s the latest relationship technology that FODs need to understand? Where else could Sharon have gone for a beatdown? How are Centurions different from Sentinels? It’s the episode that loves a courtroom easel!

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When Starbuck goes down hard in Juarez, the Adamas risk everything on the search and rescue mission. But when she finds the Cylon raider that shot her down and hot wires it back to Galactica, Commander Adama extends the last cigar in the universe and welcomes her back into the family. How much air do you want in a spacesuit? Is there something off about Caprican Pop Tarts? Who is also named Boxey? It’s the episode that knows its cuts of meat.

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When a recon drone Cliffhangers its way into Flattop’s face, there’s suddenly a deficit of Viper pilots aboard Audrey II. But after Starbuck tosses out a whole ten-piece order of nuggets, Commander Adama advises a different order. Do all Italian eateries have a secret bunker? What side of Boomer’s face is the mole actually on? Should Ben keep or close the gap? It’s the episode that resets the number of days without a workplace accident to “0”.

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When it’s time to get the water from a very inhospitable moon, the USS Con Air is President Rosalind’s best hope to make it happen. But when a terrorist gets into a position to negotiate, Apollo follows the law and promises him elections. What’s next level from a spit take? Where does Steve Buscemi fit into this pitch? How do you avoid a prison riot altogether? It’s the episode with both personal and professional flaws! 

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When Boomer wakes up wet and doesn’t know why, there’s no Croatian fisherman to help get her bearings. But when Commander Adama invites the President to witness an act of sabotage on Galactica, the internal investigation points to at least one Cylon aboard. Would Egghead Software still be in business if they had a better return policy? Is there a wrong way to win a poker game? What does the Audrey 2 not have? It’s the episode that could have gone pantsless!

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When the Colonial Fleet hasn’t slept for days, they probably should have started handing out stims sooner. But when the Olympic Carrier gets left behind and then shows back up looking a little too inconclusive, Commander Adama’s resting suspicion face makes him ready to blow up the damn ship. What kind of child is Number Six proposing? Does Galactica belong off-Broadway? How can you ruin a glimmer of hope? It’s the episode that wants to rent out its happy place.

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When it’s time to look back at Discovery as a whole, the series only reinforces Star Trek as a place. But when the questions and answers go both ways, only a special guest could tell the full story. Which future tech didn’t make doors obsolete? Whose line of dialogue requires an oral history? What hashtag will soon be trending? It’s the episode that loves a big beautiful format!

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When Captain Burnham wakes up on a different network for the finale, she does triangle right and earns a chat with a dead Progenitor. But when she turns down the steward job and stashes The Greatest Discovery inside a black hole, an epilogue answers questions that no one knew they had. Is the Geordi training protocol no longer in use? Who was unwilling to wear the loaf? What’s a red flag during any job interview? It’s the episode that stays out of Breen politics.

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When a busted up Discovery jumps to the middle of a double black hole, the keg left by the Progenitors gets stolen right out from under them by Moll. But when an away team goes undercover to try to retake the tech, Burnham decides to follow the light in search of a series finale. Is there a difference between Beta team and Bravo team? How exactly are the Breen nothing like us? What can never go back into the toothpaste tube? It’s the episode that's terrorized by chainsaws!

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When Disco jumps to the Badlands, they find a Hogwarts library where checking out the next clue KOs Captain Burnham. But when the Breen show up and get their library card revoked, Michael’s journey through the labyrinth finally makes her a little more relatable. What’s involved in podcast pre-production? Who runs DS9 in the 32nd century? Does Moll have a type? It’s the episode that still wants to go to Betazed.

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When the Breen Primarch shows up in a haunted house ship, President T’Rina tries to negotiate and only gets an hour for Captain Burnham. But when an unmovable bluff meets an unstoppable bluff, Rayner starts talking and Book finally gets to do something useful for the mission. Which raw materials are available on Betazed? Should all comm badges have do not disturb mode? What’s the real reason L’ak died in sicksbay? It’s the episode that wants to sell you a timeshare!

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When the scientist behind the next can koozie puzzle clue leads Discovery to a dusty green planet, Burnham and Tilly beam down just in time to request a sugar cube fun run to the high tower. But when winning the race means becoming the sacrifice, the Prime Directive gets fired into the sun to save a different new Star Trek show. How do you get kicked off of YouTube? What are the two levels of trap? Where are the atheists if not in foxholes? It’s the episode with an Edward Darkin.

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When a humiliated nepo-baby no-call, no-shows his job, all his choices have lead to becoming trapped in a transparent case of emotion with Michael Burnham. But when the flashbacks finally get to the bottom of Moll and L'ak’s partnership, it becomes clear why no one can be left behind. Which drinking games are best to play with babies? Where is the agony? Is there a butt in there? It’s the episode that’s a mishmash of feelings and manipulations!

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When Adira brings a bug aboard the Disco after hanging out with their ex, Captain Burnham and Commander Rayner narrowly avoid being Tuvix-ed when they attempt to blurp out of her ready room. But when a groggy future version of Zora lays out the stakes for the rest of the season, they’ll have to Quantum Leap their way through some of Star Trek: Discovery’s greatest hits in order to rectify the timeline. What would happen if Stamets met Wesley Crusher? Do hologram computers have privacy screens? Is Book going for the record? It’s the episode that refuse...

When the poem leads an away team to the milk caves on Trill, Culber is way too eager to be inhabited by Jinaal Bix. But while Burnham and Book prove their worthiness in the quarry, Rayner learns Discovery’s crew members are surprisingly verbose. Where is there never any palace intrigue? What’s the first thing you want to do in Wilson Cruz’s body? How do you prep a dimple? It’s the episode that wants more representation eggs in more baskets!

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When Michael is left to decide who will take over for Saru as Number One, she makes the startling realization that everyone else is very pro Book Burnham. But when the dirt bike rental owner calls for the 10th time in a row to collect damages, the crew decides they're better off skipping town to chase Moll and L'ak than footing the bill. Doth the Book protest too much? Who's a scorpion and who's a frog? Does Betazed still have the cum plants? It’s the episode that makes you a ganglia you can't refuse.

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When Captain Burnham and the Discovery get assigned a red directive mission, she and Captain Rayner don’t quite sync up. But when Book is called in to help with The Chase, they track down the thieves and learn that this season’s MacGuffin was already opened by Fred. Why don’t more parents register for airline chair? What’s required to rent a shielded dirt bike? Which characters will season 5 be pivoting to full time? It’s the episode that wants a text before you call.

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When Galactica is trapped in a Paulson-style nebula, they make a scary as hell jump to get ammunition for the war. But when President Rosalind suggests running instead of fighting the Cylons, Commander Adama is convinced that hope will save what’s left of humanity. Which actor gives two characters for the price of one? What’s the most likely name for a robot child? Who is more Larkin than Larkin himself? It’s the episode that doesn’t want the software update!

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When the Enterprise beams some mysterious riders aboard, it’s a less than 5-star rating by the time they reach their destination. But when the ugliest person in the room uses Spock as a meat sack, navigating home is easy but escaping space madness requires the help of a beautiful Doctor. What are the options for fixing a bent wick? Who is Scotty Basic Instinct-ing at dinner? How do you actually assassinate a Medusan? It’s the episode that’s making time for applesauce!

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When Kirk beams down for a house party on Cestus III, what he finds instead is an aerial bombardment and one very angry outpost survivor. But when the Enterprise gives chase and the Metrons sense violent intent, a broadcast death match is the only suggestion for conflict resolution. Are Spock and McCoy capable of effectively insulting each other? What kind of utensil can you bring to a dinner party? Is bamboo strong enough to make a bazooka out of? It’s the episode that is somewhat diminished by O’Herlihy’s presence.

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When it’s time to make a museum out of the Battlestar Galactica, the ship’s decommissioning ceremony turns into an even busier day for Commander Adama. But when the Cylons magically split the trolly and send it down both tracks, President Rosalind enters into a power struggle with the new leader of the Colonial fleet. What’s the dream move during any argument? Are the Capricans actually Pah-wraith people? How does someone get through TSA with a meat scroll? It’s the episode that’s desperately clinging to the outside of a spaceship!

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When the Andromeda is betrayed by one of their own, the surviving crew make for the nearest black hole to try and escape. But when Capt Kevin Sorbo is the only survivor salvaged from the singularity, everyone he’s ever known is gone. Did somebody find the keys to Gene Roddenberry secret script cabinet? Do captains get to choose their own ship AIs? Is the ship hot or is it just hot in here? It’s the episode that wants you to stop picking at it!

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When a test pilot’s propulsion experiment takes him much farther than expected, his shock on the other side makes him seem a little dumb. But when his guild of alien adventurers needs a handwritten equation to escape, John Crichton comes through with a rollerball mouse and earns their respect through math. Who was Farscape made for? How do you know when a show isn’t serious? Which piece of grit could turn into a pearl? It’s the episode with print magazine nostalgia!

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When a bunch of men in large snake heads suddenly jump out of a relic of alien technology housed deep within Cheyenne Mountain, General Hammond decides to call Richard Dean Anderson with a haircut out of retirement. But when they discover that the gate is less like two cans on a string and more like a touchtone phone, it’s going to take an ensemble cast with eidetic memories to dial in the right number. Does the snek make the X from the inside? Do Furries require fur? How many claymores can you fit in war wagon? It’s the...

When Captain Boone has the worst possible day at work, he’s offered a job by the aliens he doesn’t trust. But when his wife gets Final Destination‘d and his best friend lures him into the resistance, Boone calmly agrees to become a souped-up inside man. What’s the turn-around time on a custom headstone? Do surgeons ever take their tools home? Where was Eddy conceived? It’s the episode that didn’t make time for a breakdown.

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